Friday, May 29, 2015
Game of Thrones 5x07: The Gift
Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen -> Dorne
“All rulers are butchers...or meat.” So says Daario to Daenerys. That's pretty much the theme of the episode. Characters are making choices to stand up and become the butchers rather than meat. Then again, being decisive and aggressive to get ahead of the cautious and timid is pretty much theme of the entire series.
We start at the Wall. Jon Snow is preparing to go north and meet with the Wildlings. I'm not sure if that makes Jon Snow a butcher or meat, yet. Ser Alliser pretty much says Jon is crazy and Jon thanks him for speaking his mind. I doubt either of them are surprised by what the other said. And with that, Jon Snow is off.
Maester Aemon dies because...he was old? Presumably? Anyway, Sam eulogizes him and Ser Alliser gives Sam the ominous warning that he's running out of friends. I was hoping Ser Allison was above that. Regardless, I'm not sure if Maester Aemon could've prevented what happens next anyway.
Later, some Night's Watch randos accost Gilly. Just when I thought we'd watch a second rape in as many episodes Sam shows up to defend her. Sam then gets the crap kicked out of him and then they turn to Gilly once more. Just when I thought we'd watch a second rape in as many episodes Ghost shows up to defend her. The idiots run away.
Gilly takes care of the injured Sam by having sex with him. Not sure what that says about how women are presented on this show, but Sam seems to like it. I would think sex after being beaten within an inch of your life and while you're slightly concussed would be rough but, hey, better that be your first time than not have a first time at all!
Speaking of rape, we're back at Winterfell. Yay! Sansa is, of course, in bad shape. Ramsay is almost literally a butcher of a ruler which, unfortunately, makes Sansa the meat...for lack of a better term.
Theon/Reek comes in to feed Sansa. Sansa actually tries to get through to him and requests he lights a candle at the top of the tower. It goes the way you'd expect.
Ramsay is alerted by Theon/Reek. Ramsay decides to let Sansa out of her room for once and talks about how important she is. He then shows her the flayed body of the woman who gave Sansa the candle. Sansa knows she's in real trouble. She is...until the battle at Winterfell...and after Littlefinger's army takes care of the battle's winner. Then she'll be presumably be wedded to Baelish. I don't know how much better that will be...
On the road
The entire series has been promising that winter is coming but for Stannis, winter is here! His army is in a blizzard and his troops and horses are not doing well. Davos is rightfully concern.
Stannis says they must march on. At first I think he's being stubborn but then he talks about how if they go back to Castle Black they may be stuck there for years. He convinces me he knows what he's doing. But while Stannis is convinced they must march on he isn't convinced he'll win.
Stannis talks with Melisandre and she's sure he'll win. Well, she's sure provided Stannis sacrifices his daughter. Stannis is, of course, against the idea. But one must consider, if Stannis refuses to be a butcher, will he then be meat?
Jaime seems to have good accommodations after being captured in Dorne. Myrcella comes to meet with him. Jaime would like to take her to King's Landing but she'll have none of it. She doesn't care about King's Landing nor does she care about her absentee mother and “uncle”. All she cares about is her betrothed, Trystane.
Meanwhile, Bronn and the Sand Snakes are stuck in prison. Bronn is singing and flirting. Tyene Sand flirts back and even flashes Bronn. Of course, this is all happening as the poison in Bronn's system (courtesy of Tyene's dagger) begins to take hold. Tyene decides to give Bronn the antidote because of...reasons? I suppose the implication is she saved him because she thinks he's cute but I really hope that isn't the case.
Jorah and Tyrion are being auctioned off like a bunch of meat. Jorah fetches a good price. Tyrion says they're a package deal but no one cares. Tyrion then uses his chain to whip one of the slavers and the man who bought Jorah is impressed enough to buy Tyrion. I'm still unsure why the slaver was so vulnerable to be overtaken by Tyrion's chain attack. Way to suck at your job, slaver!
In the fighting pits a group ahead of Jorah and Tyrion go out to fight and guess who should be in attendance? Daenerys and her future husband Yezzan zo Qaggaz, of course. The fighters slaughter each other in front of her and Daenerys is suitably disgusted.
Jorah catches wind of Daenerys being out there so he suits up and runs to the arena. He starts killing everyone while Tyrion is trying to break free of his chains. Luckily for him, one the guards decides to free him.
So Jorah makes mincemeat out of the rest of the fighters. He then removes his mask and asks Daenerys if she's not entertained? Daenerys is not entertained and wants Jorah removed from her site. But before that can happen Tyrion comes out and presents himself as Jorah's gift to her.
Olenna meets with the High Sparrow in an attempt to free Margaery and Loras. Unfortunately, Olenna is only used to dealing with people who are interested in selfish things like money and power. The High Sparrow is only interested in selfish things like eternal salvation.
So Olenna goes to the opposite end of the spectrum and meets with Petyr Baelish. Olenna and Petyr are both tied to each other due to their conspiracy to murder Jofftrey so neither can afford the other to squeel. So Baelish gives Olenna an “attractive young man” and a gift.
Cersei visits Margaery to “help her” (at least, that's what she told Tommen) but really she's just a butcher gloating over her meat. Margaery will have none of the gloating and just insults Cersei. Cersei seems pleased with herself.
But she's not so pleased when the High Sparrow, after hearing what Lancel has to say, has her thrown in prison as well. Cersei does not take time to evaluate her actions and how she only has herself to blame as this was the obvious outcome for her as soon as she started this Faith Militant gambit. Instead, she just threatens the Faith Militant guards who throw her into a cell.
It looks like the butcher has become the meat.
The title of this episode is "The Gift" (presumably referring to Petyr Baelish "giving" Olenna Lancel. In case you're wondering, "The Gift" is also the title of episodes for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dilbert, FlashForward, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Matlock, The Sarah Jane Adventures, Star Trek: Voyager, Stargate Atlantis, The Twilight Zone and The X-Files.
There are also appoximately 4 television series, 8 songs, 12 music albums, 14 books, 9 movies and 1 Portuguese rock band all named The Gift.
Where did Sam get the dragon glass he gave to Jon Snow?
So Maester Aemon died of old age? Did they forshadow his illness at all? Well, aside from him being very old.
How hard must if have been for Sansa to ask Theon, of all people, for help?
How did Ramsay find out who gave Sansa the candle?
Melisandre said "I have seen myself walk along the battlements of Winterfell. I have seen the Flayed Man banner lower to the ground." She never says whose army she is with when this happens.
Why was Tyrion the only one chained in the fighting pits? Who was that guard that showed up? Why did he free Tyrion?
Cersei told Tommen not to blame himself. I agree with that statement. He should blame her.
With his mother and his wife locked up, where does Tommen turn for guidance? The High Sparrow?
Baelish said he'd give Olenna the same thing he gave Cersei, an attractive young man. Does that mean Petyr was behind Olyvar testifying?
The whole High Sparrow plot isn't doing a lot for me. Maybe it's because it's just so rushed or maybe, while I hate what he's doing, the High Sparrow is not really portrayed as true douche bag. Basically, he's certainly not someone I want to cheer but he's not evil enough to boo. I wouldn't take pleasure in seeing him offed. Really, I don't know what I want to happen to him. I just want him to go away.
Speaking of which, why can't the king disarm the Faith Militant? Did their army get that powerful that fast?
Daenerys is very much viewing her marriage as strictly political and is planning on not being terribly faithful. I wonder if this won't bite her in the ass?
Sansa stole a worker's tool whle talking to Ramsay. Perhaps she has some butcher in her yet!
Jaime: I don't understand.
Myrcella: Of course you don't. You don't know me.
Cersei: Look at my face. It's the last thing you'll see before you die.
Season 5 Totals
Boob Count: 22
Full Frontal Count: 3 (3 Female)
Butt Count: 10 (5 Male, 5 Female)
Coitus Count: 5
Main Character Death Count: 3 (Mance Rayder, Janos Slynt, Ser Berristan)
Hodor Count: 0