HASBRO DONE SENT ME SOMETHING: Cyberworld Scorponok and Mirage Cyber Changer

So, Gene Kendall here with a full disclosure: Hasbro sent me these figures for review, perhaps following my look back at the 1987 launch of Headmasters, the line that brought us the mighty Scorponok in the first place. And I've been informed September 17th is Transformers Day, a day Hasbro is devoting to various promotions and some new YouTube content.

I have a passing interest in the toy world. I read about the industry, I watch people get very animated about shoulder joints and pricing strategies on YouTube, but I almost never buy any myself. Transformers, in particular, are something I admire from afar -- like outer space phenomenon, or other people's dogs. But here we are, and on my table is the Cyberworld Scorponok Strike Battle Set… and a tiny Mirage Cyber Changer who is very much not a car, which is already confusing this kid of the '80s.

Transformers: Headmasters #1 (1987) - The Commercial, Not The Comic

Follow the adventures of the Headmaster Transformers and the equally incredible Targetmaster Transformers in Marvel Comics.

 

Transformers #1 (September 1984) – The Commercial, Not the Comic

Gene Kendall returns again -- I guess I threatened to do this, so here we are. Having exhausted the known archives of animated G. I. Joe commercials for the Marvel series, it does make a certain amount of sense to cover the other Marvel/Hasbro collaboration of the day, those wily robots in disguise.

Could You Rephrase That

Limitless came out last weekend and topped the box office. No, I didn't see the movie, but I did see the myriad of commercials for the movie that flooded television. And in each commercial they always manage to say the phrase "...humans only use 20% of their brains." Normally I hear that it's 10%, but regardless it annoys the piss out of me. So, in honor of that, here are my top five phrases I hate:

Countdown to Christmas #20: Soundwave

Yes, Soundwave. Megatron's second-in-command (well, the second-in-command who wasn't also constantly trying to kill and/or usurp him). The monotone Transformer who turns into a tape player.

Teebore's Favorite Words

During conversations with Dr. Bitz regarding the Lost finale a couple months back, he commented on my apparent affinity for the word "gestalt" (I kept referring to how the Flash Sideways was ultimately revealed to be a purgatorial gestalt). He was right: it's definitely one of my favorite words. Being a writer, an English major and a nerd, I have several. Here's a few more, in no particular order (all definitions courtesy of Merriam-Webster.com)

Dirty Dozen: Teebore's 12 Favorite Movies

Alex J. Cavanaugh is hosting a "Dirty Dozen" blogfest on his blog, in which he asked the participants, "what movies have changed your life? What movies have changed you as a person? What movies are your ultimate enjoyment from start to finish? If you could only round up twelve, what movies would be your Dirty Dozen?"

Here are mine. Bear in mind, as in most of my lists, these are my personal favorites, not the twelve movies I think are the best, ever. This list is largely driven by nostalgia, personal significance, re-watchability, and theme. 

The ABCs of Awesome

I cribbed this meme from Michael May's Adventureblog.

Teebore's Summer Movie Report Card

The calendar has changed, there's snow in the forecast and I haven't seen a movie in several weeks, which means it's time for the Summer Movie Report Card!

Movie Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen has been out for over two weeks. The reaction to the movie has been interesting. Via a very unscientific poll, it seems that the movie going public generally enjoyed the film but all the critics and media-types hated it. I suppose the reason for this is because this is a movie where you must completely shut your brain off...and critics hate to admit that they ever do that.

In Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, Shia LeBeouf reprises his role as Sam Witwicky. Apparently, Sam is sick of giant transforming robots because he tells his transforming car Bumblebee that he's not going to college with him. (Is it good when your main character is sick of that which is the crux of the film?) Anyway, before leaving Sam comes across a shard of the All Spark (from the first film) which downloads information to his brain. This information contains the key to saving...or destroying...the world. Eventually, this leads to giants robots fighting one another.

I could explain the plot further, but it starts losing a bit of sense...then robot heaven gets involved. Really, the reason to see this movie is for the eye candy. You've got a special effects bonanza with robots battling each other, big explosions, and various structures being destroyed by various weapons of doom. Also, when you say eye candy, Megan Fox certainly comes to mind.

Some battles were spectacular, however, I did feel that they also could get a bit confusing. Sometimes the scene was too close up on the robots as they fought and, since they were scaled to be giant, it was tough to get a feel for what was actually going on. But, in the end, I suppose the best way to review this movie is to say this:

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is a movie about giant, transforming robots fighting each other.

You now know if you'll like this movie or not.

Recap:
The Good: Great special effects. Some fun battles to watch. And Optimus Prime always rocks, no matter what form he's in.

The Bad: No nudity (of course). The battles can get confusing...and long. There's also a lot of comedy, some of it is genuinely funny, but other jokes are childish or just over the top. Also, there's a little thing called a plot that seems to get lost in the shuffle.

The Disappointing: Well, frankly, I always thought that if the Matrix of Leadership is involved, it's mandatory that Stan Bush's The Touch be played.

Drink to best accompany this movie:

Natural Light Beer

Just sit back, relax, crack a beer, and enjoy the rid. Remember, don't try and use your brain or you'll ruin the experience.

Does this scene got the touch?

I put the above clip on the side bar with the title "Greatest scene in movie history?" Now, calling a movie scene the greatest of all time is a bold claim indeed. So, I've decided to dissect the scene and give a little play by play to see just how good it is.


0:00 - We start off simply enough. "Megatron must be stopped. No matter the cost." It may not be an all time movie line, but it's certainly an all time Transformers line and sets up the scene nicely.

0:05 Now you're in for a treat. At this point you get a double whammy. First of all, you get the slow motion transform by Optimus Prime. Secondly, the ultra-cliched, ultra-awesome '80's inspiration rock song starts up. Every great movie needs a great anthem. Rocky III has "Eye of the Tiger", Karate Kid has "Best Around", and The Transformers has "The Touch". With this music behind the action, you know things are shaping up to be special.

0:25 So Optimus Prime starts doing what he does best. Kicking ass. In his truck mode he's starts mowing down some Decepticons. Optimus's foes are dramatically reflected in his front grill before getting smashed. One of the Insecticons gets squished like...uhh...an insect, I guess. Anyway, only Blitzkrieg manages to get out of there. I assume this is because he's a triple changer...which means triple the awesomeness. (Please note that somehow Optimus Prime manages to be quadruple the awesomeness despite only having two forms.)

0:36 At this point the Decepticons are tired of being run over. They finally decide to go on the offensive and start blasting Optimus with lasers. The lasers, of course, bounce harmlessly off Optimus Prime...because he's Optimus Freakin' Prime. You may be tempted to ask me how Optimus Prime suddenly became invincible in truck mode, but if you do you'll get a karate chop to the throat. It's not your place to question the ways of Optimus Prime.

00:41 Despite his invincibility, Optimus Prime transforms back into a robot in midair and starts blasting the Decepticons. Notice his carefully aimed shots. One blast for each of his foes. And they all go down. Why did Optimus Prime never do this during the numerous television episodes? Shut your flesh-bag mouth, that's why!

0:55 - The two mightiest transformers at last face off. Optimus Prime and Megatron. Both gladiators size the other up. Optimus Prime belts out what has to be considered one of the all time great quotes in movie history: "One shall stand, one shall fall." So elegant in it's simplicity. How many great movie battles can be boiled to down to that simple sentence?

0:59 That all time quote is followed by an all time movie dialogue exchange.
Megatron: "Why throw your life so recklessly?"
Optimus Prime: "That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron!"
My only thought? BA-ZING!!! Point goes to Optimus Prime. Megatron is so dumbfounded by this respond, he can only say "No!" Lame! That's like saying "I am rubber you are glue!" Megatron's clearly waving the white flag in this war of words.

1:14 The epic duel begins. Of course, Hot Rod sees this and vows to help out Optimus Prime. Keep in mind Hot Rod's a pussy. He's bound to just make things worse. That's what we call foreshadowing in the business.

1:24 Megatron throws some debris like a javelin. Lasers have no effect on Optimus, but a hunk of rock is extremely harmful, apparently.

1:33 Here we see how bad ass Optimus Prime really is. He ignores the giant piece of rock stuck in his side and runs up and decks Megatron. Good thing, too, because that caused some debris to fall and break off Megatron's arm cannon. Good show, Optimus. That's what we call strategery.

1:37 Up to this point I feel like the animators\writers knew they were on to something special. They knew they could make this scene the greatest in movie history. They also knew that that's impossible unless said scene contains a light saber. So what happens? Out of nowhere, Megatron finds and wields a light saber. Brilliant.

1:40 Optimus Prime gets sliced with the light saber right where the hunk of rock had been. Some say this was just to save on animation costs. But, really, this an obvious homage to the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones gets repeatedly punched in the open bullet wound on his arm. Paying respect to great movies that came before you is always a plus.

1:48 Megatron goes in for the kill with a leaping light saber attack. Optimus Prime counters with a the legendary uppercut known as the dragon punch. That move would be emulated by Ryu and Ken years later in all forms of the Street Fighter video games. All that's missing is Optimus Prime screaming out "shoryuken!"

2:02 After some more fighting, Optimus just grabs Megatron and toss him aside. Optimus Prime is the clear victor. Was there any doubt?

2:27 ANOTHER classic movie line. "You, who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff!" Now to be fair, I never liked the term "sterner stuff." It sounds so generic. I would gone with something like "sterner steel." But then again, Shakespeare got away with "Screw your courage to the sticking place" so who am I to judge?

2:36 Hot Rod jumps into the fray to prevent Megatron from attacking Optimus Prime with a laser pistol. Apparently Hot Rod failed to realize that Optimus had a giant laser rifle point at Megatron and could've blasted him in an instant. Instead, Hot Rod becomes a hostage and Optimus can't get a clear shot. Way to go Hot Rod. *cough* pussy *cough*

2:42 Optimus Prime gets hit with a barrage of laser blasts amongst Megatron's cries for him to "Fall! FALL!" Maybe Optimus Prime should have transformed into Invincible-Against-Lasers truck mode. But at the same time, I'm not a giant, transforming robot with access to the matrix of leadership and neither are you. So we have no right to question.

2:57 The dramatic conclusion to the epic duel. The battle damage can be seen on both competitors. But, with a heroic last effort, Optimus Prime manages to knock Megatron off a ledge and down a couple of stories. Apparently, falling is Megatron's kryptonite.

3:18 Optimus Prime can't stay on his feet! Oh...the horror....

3:20 Hot Rod apologizes to the near lifeless shell of a robot that was once Optimus Prime. In honor of the decade in which this movie came out...smooth move, ex lax.

3:27 And it what can only be considered Art, the duality of the Autobots and Decepticons is displayed. Right after they show the Autobots huddled around and worried about their fallen leader, we see the Decepticons jeer theirs. And of course Starscream adds salt to the wound by giving Megatron a swift kick to the side. Hilarious.

3:53 The dutiful Soundwave carries Megatron out of battle (HEAVY homoerotic overtones). In a nice touch to continuity one of the tape robots, I'll say Rumble, is tagging along carrying Megatron's arm cannon (which fell off during the battle with Optimus Prime).

4:04 Kup alerts everyone to the fact that this battle was won because of one robot, and one robot only: Optimus Prime. I'm sure he is also thinking that the baddest ass Autobot to ever live was dead also because of one robot and one robot only...friggin' Hot Rod.

4:20 We see the Decepticons retreating with their tail between their legs thanks to the heroic sacrifice of his awesomeness, Optimus Prime.


So this scene contains two all time great movie quotes, an all time great movie dialogue exchange, one all time great Transformers quote, an epic duel between two arch rivals, an awesomely 80's rock song, a slow motion transformation, a dragon punch before the dragon punch was famous, homoerotic overtones, and a light saber.
Hot Rod is the only negative in this scene and even that can be chalked up as pacing.
I don't know how you can see it any other way. This is truly the greatest scene in the history of cinema.

Heroes 3x15: Trust and Blood

So Dr. Bitz was the only one to offer any format suggestions for this volume's posts. While I think his "innocent/guilty" idea is the best, he's right; in honor of the Quintessons, everything would have to be "innocent," and frankly, I don't think enough people would get the joke. So instead, I'll go with his second best suggestion:
Harrison Ford: these are good things about the episode, things I liked, because Harrison Ford starred in the good Fugitive movie.
Wesley Snipes: these are the bad things, the things I didn't like, because Wesley Snipes was in the bad Fugitive movie.
I'm also going to add Tommy Lee Jones, for those things that are neither good nor bad about the episode, but are rather observations, musings or questions on my part.

Harrison Ford: Peter's Power
While it was apparently clear to some people how Peter's power worked last episode, it wasn't to me, so I certainly appreciated the brief exchange between Peter and Tracy that established the extent of his new ability (granted, it would have been nice to have found a way to work that into the last episode...). Frankly, the show needs to do things like that more often.

Wesley Snipes: Precog Painting
Okay, I'm calling BS on it now. I'd still like to know how "telepathy" translates to "painting the future." But that aside, this whole "character paints the future" schtick is getting tiresome, and frankly, I think the writers are all the lazier for using it still, since they can't seem to come up with some other way to, for example, motivate Hiro to go to India. And seriously, if Parkman's going to paint the future, wouldn't it be more helpful if he painted things that were happening further in the future? Other than Hiro's trip to India, it seems like he's painting the "almost present" moreso than the future.


Tommy Lee Jones: Sylar's power
I realized last night that despite all the crap they've put Sylar through, I'm glad he's still around simply because he's the only character on the entire show who uses his powers casually. He doesn't use them reluctantly or as a last resort, he just uses them to help him do what he wants to do (that what he wants to do is usually categorically evil or confusing is irrelevant to this point; I'm just glad SOMEONE on this show uses their power the way a normal person would, without tons of soul searching or denial beforehand).


Wesley Snipes: Daphne's Death??
Again, my problem isn't so much that she's dead, but whether or not we're supposed to know if she's dead (though, for the record, I'll be very disappointed if she is dead). Parkman clearly believes she is, but all we saw was her getting shot. Where's the body? Why didn't we see Nathan's goon retrieve it? Before I can complain about them killing Daphne off, I need to know if she really is.


Harrison Ford: Showdown on the hill
The "fight" on the cliff that (maybe) resulted in Daphne's death was another glimmer of what I've wanted to see all along: a group of people using their powers in a concerted effort against bad guys. Granted, it was a small moment, but at this point, I'll take what I can get. Parkman turning the goons against each other was a particularly neat offensive trick, and the brief shot of the Hunter taking out the guy Parkman was controlling helped inform that character.

Wesley Snipes: Returning to the crash site
Dr. Bitz mentioned to me that by his estimation, the point the characters reached by the end of the episode could have been reached about fifteen minutes into the episode simply by cutting out a lot of the extraneous running around everyone was doing. I didn't notice it at the time, but he's definitely right. I did think that with the way Claire, Peter, Parkman etc. were able to come and go so freely, penetrating the perimeter around the crash site throughout the episode, I was wondering if the Hunter's agents used to work for CTU.

Harrison Ford: Dissension in the ranks
Nathan can't act unilaterally in this operation, and seems to be desperately seeking approval from SOMEONE that he's doing the right thing. Meanwhile, the Hunter is fed up with Nathan's perceived "kid gloves" approach to the fugitives. This kind of conflict within the villains makes things much more interesting than the "evil because the writers said so" approach of Arthur in the last volume.

Tommy Lee Jones: Angela's role
Angela remains one of the most interesting characters on the show, despite any decent exploration of her past or goals. With the reveal in this episode that while she isn't directly working to oppose Nathan she doesn't necessarily agree with him either, I'm hoping (perhaps naively) that we'll finally be given a proper exploration of what makes Angela tick and why she does the things she does. And if along the way we finally get a little backstory on Primatech and the Elder Heroes, all the better.

Tommy Lee Jones: Rebel's identity
If Rebel is West, I'll throw my shoe at the TV. Not because I'd mind the show acknowledging something else from season two, but because there's no way that wet blanket of a kid has the presence to be any kind of interesting rebel.

Teebore's 5 Favorite Gifts from Childhood Christmases Past

The Eborsisk: When the movie Willow came out, I was mildly obsessed with it for awhile. And for me, as a kid, "obsessed" more or less meant "wanted any and all merchandise associated with the film, especially the toys."

Unfortunately, the Willow toys were pretty lame: they weren't poseable, at all, and they all came fastened to these metal bases from which I inevitably removed them forcibly in an attempt to make them more "action figure-y" and less "hunks of plastic."


But the crown jewel of the Willow figures, as far as I was concerned, was the Eborsisk, the two-headed dragon Madmartigan fights in Tir Asleen (reportedly named for Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel). I received it Christmas morning of 1988 (or maybe '89). It was in-scale to the other "toys" in the line and was actually poseable. Plus, it was just the right size to crossover and double as a twisted experiment of Cobra amongst my GI Joe figures.


Voltron: Good ol' Voltron, Defender of the Universe. The highlight of Christmas '86 this version was made by Panosh Place as part of their Voltron action figure line. It was actually a set of all five lions (Yellow, Blue, Red, Green, and Black..."and I'll form the head!") that snapped together to form Voltron AND were sized such that the Voltron Force pilots could fit inside their respective lions.


Of course, the set also came with a not-quite Blazing Sword and other Robobeast-smashing accessories.


She-Ra: Yeah, yeah, make all the gay cracks about lil'Teebore playing with dolls you want*, the fact remains that She-Ra was He-Man's sister which meant, despite the rooted-hair and comb accessory, 6-year old Teebore HAD to have this figure.

But what cements She-Ra's place on this list is the fact that I received She-Ra and her...pink...horse...Swiftwind (*sigh*) from Santa Claus himself, who chose to make a personal appearance at my house in Sharon, Pennsylvania that Christmas for reasons unknown (but presumably because I had been such a good boy that year). Of course, it was too bad that my Grandpa chose that moment to step out and missed meeting Saint Nick himself...

*in my defense, though I didn't really think about it at the time, She-Ra is pretty hot.

Trypticon: It is a well-documentated fact that transforming robots are awesome. But a transforming robot that's also a dinosaur? That's even awesomer, especially for a kid who LOVED dinosaurs almost as much as transforming robots.


Trypticon is the Decepticon's evil base, and as his name suggests, could transform from a dinosaur to a city to a battle-station-ready city. He could even walk on his own, thanks to a couple of batteries in his tail.



Of course, being a transforming city, he should really be much, much larger, but the Transformer toys have always had issues with scale (something that bothered even lil'Teebore).

However, the fact remains, opening a present to reveal a transforming robot dinosaur makes for one hell of a good Christmas, no matter how old you are.

Cobra Terror Drome: For a GI Joe fan in the Christmas of 1988 (especially one, like me, who found Cobra much cooler than GI Joe itself), the Terror Drome was the holy grail of toys.

Check out Dial-Tone in Cobra jail like a chump.

It came with a sweet little jet (the Firebat) that launched from the center of the base, and had all kinds of fun things, like a jail for pesky GI Joes, a refueling station and really big guns.

I love that the box points out the "reclining chairs" as one of the toy's features.

Needless to say, this is one Christmas present that became the centerpiece of many a GI Joe adventure, and was played with until long after it fell apart.