Sunday, May 29, 2016
Game of Thrones 6x05: The Door
Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Pyke -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Vaes Dothrak -> Meereen
Sansa gets a message which we will find out is from Petyr “Little Finger” Baelish. She goes to meet him with Brienne in tow. Brienne's going to kill Little Finger, right? Right? It's the only thing that makes sense. Just do it!
But no, Sansa does not order Brienne to kill Little Finger. Instead Sansa chastises him for giving her to Ramsey and tries to let him know just how badly she was assaulted. Frankly, it's even worse than I thought. After telling him to fuck off she heads back to the Wall. I still think her not killing him is a mistake.
Baelish did have one useful piece of information, though. Apparently Blackfish has gathered an army and retaken Riverrun. At the Wall proper Jon, Sansa and Davos discuss the various armies they could gather to attack Ramsey. Obviously, Blackfish is at the top of the list.
Jorah shows off his greyscale to Daenerys and she's all sad about it. Don't be, Daenerys, he's betrayed you one too many times. She feels that he redeemed himself by “saving her life” but, really, I'm not sure what help he was. Daenerys seemed to have things pretty well in hand on her own.
Anyway, as Jorah makes a grand exit Daenerys ordered him to find a cure and return to her...despite that fact that she's banished him twice.
Arya and the Waif do some more stick fighting. Why are they stick fighting so often? It really seems like the least effective weapon with which to assassinate someone. Whatever.
The Waif declares that Arya will never be ready and Jaqen kinds of agree. Jaqen regales Arya with the history of the nobodies and their worship of the Many-Faced God and founding the free city of Braavos.
Jaqen gives Arya a new assignment but if she screws this one up it's over for her. She's supposed to kill an actress. Arya goes see the play the actress is in which was pretty much a recap of the first and second season of Game of Thrones except that everyone is portrayed as dimwitted doofuses, including Ned and Sansa Stark. This obviously doesn't site with the person who isn't supposed to identify herself as Arya Stark anymore.
Arya sneaks backstage and determines that the woman seems like a nice enough sort. Jaqen is like, “who the fuck cares? Death comes for all.” Arya wants to question it but her place is not to question.
There is a tentative peace between Meereen and the slave masters, mostly thanks to slavery being temporarily reinstated. The problem is that none of the citizens realize “Daenerys” is responsible for this peace. That's a PR problem Tyrion thinks he can solve.
A priestess of the Lord of Light shows up and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to recognize her but I can tell you that I don't. Apparently, though, she could spread the message of how great Daenerys is and she's more than willing. Who wouldn't like the cut of Daenerys' jib?
Varys interrupts to condescend to the priestess. He reminds her that there was another “chosen one” named Stannis Baratheon and all he managed to do was lose battles. The priestess says the Lord of Light is infallible but people can make mistakes. She then brings up the abuse Varys underwent during his childhood and shit gets WAY to real for Varys so he metaphorically slinks away. The PR campaign is on.
A council is convening to decide who the new ruler is. Yara, of course, throws her hat into the ring but everyone is like, “A woman!? Ewwww...cooties. Let's go with Theon!” But Theon does his sister a solid by reminding everyone he kind of sucks and Yara is the one who gets shit done.
Enter Euron Greyjoy. Yara thinks the timing of Euron's return coinciding with her father's death is a little too convenient. Euron then freely admits that he killed Balon because he sucked as a leader and nobody like him. Euron then explains that he has a plan to make the Iron Islands great again...or for the first time.
Euron wants to take the Iron Islands ships to Meereen and offer them to Daenerys in exchange for her hand in marriage. It's a plan that makes sense but he should know that suitors of Daenerys generally don't fare well. But his plan strikes a chord with the crowd and he becomes king.
Theon and Yara know they're screwed so they fly the coup. They also take Pyke's best ships. Euron orders more ships to be built. So, yay! More delays! Although, I really shouldn't complain. This season has been moving faster than most.
Way The Hell Up North
Bran's hallucinating some more and this time he sees the creation of the original White Walkers. They were created by the Children of the Forrest to combat humans who are destroying their home (trees). So, that's a thing.
Later, the Three Eyed Raven is sleeping so Bran decided to do some solo hallucinating. It appears he's more or less in the present and looking at the White Walker army. The head White Walker actually sees Bran and touches him. Bran wakes up and the Three Eyed Raven is all, “Damn! You done fucked up, son!”
Bran has an icy mark on his arm which apparently means the White Walkers can enter the tree caves now and they're on their way. Apparently a solution is for Bran and the Three Eyed Raven to hallucinate some more. They end up back at Winterfell when Ned was younger.
The White Walkers enter the cave despite the Children of the Forrest's best efforts. As Bran is all hallucinating the ice zombies start marching toward them. Meera wants Bran to warg into Hodor to help fight. Interestingly enough, pre-Hodor Wylis is present in Bran's vision.
So Bran wargs into Hodor while maintaining his hallucination and Summer slows down the ice zombies by dying. Another direwolf down. What was really there point, anyway? Just to make me feel sad as they die?
So, Hodor, Bran and Meera escape the cave but the ice zombies are right behind. This cave has a door and Meera yells at Hodor to hold the door. It doesn't seem like the door will hold very long regardless of if Hodor is there or not but Meera keeps yelling hold the door and in Bran's vision Wylis starts having a seizure and we start having serious Terminator style time loop stuff going on here.
You see, somehow Bran's warging into Hodor in the present combined with Bran being in the past caused something to happen Wylis where he could only hear “Hold the door” over and over again. Of course, hold the door ends up being shortened to....Hodor.
I'm not sure how I feel about Hodor's origin story. I mean, the time loop thing is pretty interesting but the Hold the Door command being the origin suggests Hodor (and his mother's) life were completely ruined just so Hodor could be a temporary road block for Bran. I mean, I feel like Bran and Meera would have better off with Hodor picking them both up and running than Hodor holding the door for what looks like a few extra seconds.
Does Hodor have memories of not being Hodor? Does he know about how he became Hodor? Has he just been waiting for a door to hold his entire adult life?
So...is Hodor dead?
Frankly, even I don't know if Baelish realized how bad Ramsay was. It doesn't make what he did right and I was hoping he'd get cleaved in half but I did start to wonder if he wasn't being sincere with Sansa.
So is Arya going to admit that she can't truly shed her past?
It's interesting that Osha has been killed so unceremoniously. I had just read an article about how much he liked what the show did with Osha and wished he had done more of the same in the book.
If I was a resident of the Iron Islands would I really care if the Iron Island empire expands? How would that help me living on this crappy rock for an island?
I was surprised enough people were loyal to Yara to steal all those ships. Well, really, I'm just more surprised that many people exist on the Iron Islands. I always imagined their population to be, like, 50.
Where are Theon and Yara headed to?
That play Arya was watching felt like it went on twice as long as it needed to.
It's rare to see Varys rendered speechless.
Who doesn't what Tormund and Brienne to get together?
Doesn't this Blackfish news seem like a big deal? I almost feels like a missing scene that should have been shown. Beyond that, doesn't this seem like something most of the main characters should have known about?
Sansa: I can still feel it. I don't mean in my tender heart what he did still pains me so. I can still feel what he did, in my body.
Arya: She seems like a decent woman.
Jaqen: Does death only come for the wicked and leave the decent behind?
Season 5 Totals
Boob Count: 10 (We see two of the actresses boobs. One on stage, one off.)
Full Frontal Count: 4 (Gratuitous penis shot...like most the nudity on this show.)
Butt Count: 4
Coitus Count: 0 (Has nobody have sex on this season yet? I find it hard to believe!)
Main Character Death Count: 9...maybe 10? (The Three Eyed Raven. I won't count the children but Hodor's fate is up in the air.)
Hodor Count: 30 (I had 26 but, honestly, I kind of lost count. Also, if we count the Hodors not spoken by Hodor, it's 45...)