Game of Thrones 6x10: The Winds of Winter

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> The Twins -> Winterfell ->The Wall -> Meereen -> Dorne

Winterfell
Jon Snow is Jon Snowing (aka brooding) about his childhood in the same dining room he is now master of. Melisandre reminds Jon Snow that he may think he had it bad but this is the world of Game of Thrones so 99% of people had it worse. Then Davos comes in demanding answers about that burnt horse figurine he found.

Melisandre comes clean about burning Sheereen at the stake. Davos notes that not only was that monstrous but, considering how things ended for Stannis, it was pointless too. Jon Snow wants to know why he shouldn't just straight up execute Melisandre but she reminds Jon Snow that magical fire witches could be useful against ice zombies. Jon Snow decides to exile her to the south.

Jon Snow and Sansa talk on the walls of Winterfell. Sansa apologizes for not telling Jon Snow about the Vale army but never elaborates as to why she didn't tell him. Seemed like important information. Also important information? The fact that winter is no longer coming, it is here. But Sansa does tell Jon Snow that.

Game of Thrones 6x09: Battle of the Bastards

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Riverrun -> Winterfell ->The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

Meereen
The Slave Masters are still attacking Meereen for God knows what reason. Tyrion says it's because they can't let a slave-free nation succeed. Apparently Westeros doesn't count as a success? Anyway, Daenerys has a solution. It's to burn them. Burn them all!

Tyrion talks Daenerys down saying that following in her father's footsteps may not be the best option. Instead, Daenerys, Tyrion, Missandei and Grey Worm meet with Slave Masters to discuss surrender. Naturally the Slave Masters thinks Daenerys is surrendering. But Daenerys would like the Slave Masters to surrender. The masters are all, "Why would we do that?" Even though the answer is obvious, dragons.

Yes, Daenerys has dragons. Guess what they're good at? Burning things. Guess what they burn? The Slave Masters' ships. What did they think would happen? How did these guys become masters of anything other than stupidity?

The sea war is won by dragons (although some ships are spared to be absorbed by Daenerys's army). The land war is won by the Dothraki army coming in to save the Meereen guards. With the outcome in no doubt, the Slave Master's guards high tail it out of there because it's not like they like the Slave Masters. This leaves two of three Slave Masters to be executed and the final one is left to speak of what has happened.

Later, Yara and Theon show up. Daenerys considers their offer of ships in exchange for claim to the Iron Island. She asks why she shouldn't accept Eurons offer but Yara notifies her that Euron's "giant" cock is also part of the deal whereas Yara would only give Daenerys similar services if requested. Daenerys agrees to the deal while she and Yara continue to flirt and dream of matriarchy.

Game of Thrones 6x08: No One

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Riverrun -> Winterfell ->The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

On the Road
The Hound is pissed! He goes off in search of some Brotherhood Without Banners members responsible for the slaughter of his community and, as luck would have it, he finds some of them hanging around a campfire practicing kissing. Literally!

The Hound walks up and axes them all to death fairly unceremoniously. Well, the final dude is kept alive long enough for the Hound to try and get information as to the whereabouts of the others responsible for the slaughter but the dude doesn't give up the goods. That just means he gets a good axing too.

The Hound then comes across Beric and Thoros of the Brotherhood Without Banners and they have the rest of the guys responsible for the slaughter in nooses. Beric wants to hang them because they're giving the Brotherhood a bad name and, also, they're shitty people. The Hound wants to kill them himself. There's some negotiation and, in the end, the Hounds got to kill two of them personally but it has to be by hanging and not by axing. The Hound likes axing but goes along with the hanging.

Later, Beric wants the Hound to join them. The Hound says he's not very religious but the promise of fighting ice zombies is enough for him to tag along. Besides, what else is he going to do?

Game of Thrones 6x07: The Broken Man

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Riverrun -> Winterfell ->The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

River Run
Walder Frey's army is at River Run castle that has been taken over by Blackfish. They show off Edmure and threaten to kill him if Blackfish doesn't surrender. Blackfish tells them to go ahead and kill him. Lothar Frey and Walder Rivers (yup, had to look those names up) realize that killing a hostage immediately renders the hostage useless so they decide against killing him. They're stumped as to what to do as an army comes up from behind them.

Fortunately for Frey's army and unfortunately for...well...everyone else it's Jaime (with Bronn!) and the Lannister's army coming to help Wlader Frey's army. Jaime tells Lothar and Walder they're idiots for writing checks their butt won't cash and then decides to have a parley with the Blackfish.

Jaime rides up to the castle entrance and a bunch of archers point arrows at him. They should kill him. Blackfish comes out not to kill Jaime but instead “size him up.” He should kill him instead. Jaime says he and the Lannister army are going to eventually win so the Blackfish can save a lot his men's lives by giving up. Which I assume means the Blackfish would be executed but his men would certainly be allowed live, right? Because the Lannisters and Freys are so trustworthy.

Anyway, Blachfish isn't impressed and dares Jaime to enter into a two years castle siege. How about instead of taunting Jaime Blackfish just kills him? Jaime is the only real threat. Whatever. Jaime trots off still alive and in one piece (well, minus the hand he lost so long ago but you know what I mean).

Game of Thrones 6x06: Blood of My Blood

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Winterfell -->The Wall -> Braavos -> Vaes Dothrak -> Meereen

Way The Hell Up North
Bran and Meera are running away from the ice zombie horde that were momentarily inconvenienced by Hodor's (presumed?) sacrifice. While Meera is doing her best to save their asses Bran is busy hallucinating the past. We get our first glimpse of the the Mad King, a dragon, a Ned beheading, white walkers and, of course, Bran falling from that Winterfell tower. I'm glad Bran is picking up the slack and being a dick to himself!

So Meera's trying to run from ice zombies whilst carrying Bran and it's going about as well as you'd expect. Just when all hope seems lost they're saved by a mysterious stranger. The stranger doesn't stay mysterious for long because if you're talking about a mystery man north of the Wall we all know it's going to be Benjen Stark. And it is! But he's looking a little...frosty.

Apparently Benjen got “infected” by the white walkers. The Children of the forest saved him so now he's some kind of half-breed, daywalker or whatever. I dunno, but hopefully he has super powers!

Game of Thrones 6x05: The Door

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Pyke -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Vaes Dothrak -> Meereen

The Wall
Sansa gets a message which we will find out is from Petyr “Little Finger” Baelish. She goes to meet him with Brienne in tow. Brienne's going to kill Little Finger, right? Right? It's the only thing that makes sense. Just do it!

But no, Sansa does not order Brienne to kill Little Finger. Instead Sansa chastises him for giving her to Ramsey and tries to let him know just how badly she was assaulted. Frankly, it's even worse than I thought. After telling him to fuck off she heads back to the Wall. I still think her not killing him is a mistake.

Baelish did have one useful piece of information, though. Apparently Blackfish has gathered an army and retaken Riverrun. At the Wall proper Jon, Sansa and Davos discuss the various armies they could gather to attack Ramsey. Obviously, Blackfish is at the top of the list.

Game of Thrones 6x04: Book of the Stranger

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> The Eyrie -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Vaes Dothrak -> Meereen

The Wall
Now that Jon Snow has flown the coup...wait, what? He's still at the Wall? That's...kind of confusing. But it's not a bad thing because Sansa shows up and we have an honest to goodness reunion between two Starks! Seriously, that happened. On Game of Thrones!

Meanwhile, Davos finally remembers that one thing he was going to ask Melisandre. He says, "Remember that time I was Hand of the King to that guy, what's his name? Stannis Baratheon? That was crazy, wasn't it? You kind of mentioned he's no more, but what happened there? And, oh yeah, there was that little girl I kind of cared for like she was my own daughter, you know anything about her?" Melisandre is like, "Yeah...about that..." but then they're interrupted by Brienne who's all, "I was there, I saw what happened. Stannis and his army got their ass kicked. Then I killed Stannis myself. I might do the same to this red head here because she's also responsible for my King's death." Then they all go their separate ways lest the weight of all the awkwardness becomes so great it tears a hole in the space/time continuum.

Game of Thrones 6x03: Oathbreaker

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Pyke -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Vaes Dothrak -> Meereen

Meereen
Varys has his ways of getting information, doesn't he? He can find little birdies of information even in foreign land of Meereen. This time his birdies pointed hm to a women. (A prostitute, I believe?) Whatever her profession, this woman is aligned with the Sons of the Harpy and Varys intends to get her to talk.

Varys' method of interrogation is threatening the woman's life and the life of her son. It's a little jarring to see him this ruthless. But he keeps at it. The woman rightfully says that the Sons of the Harpy would kill her if she talked so she's screwed either way. Varys says that if she talks she gets safe passage out of Meereen. It's her best option and she takes it.

Meanwhile, Tyrion tries to make small talk with Grey Worm and Missandei and it goes over exactly the way you'd think an affluent playboy trying to joke around with two people who grew up in squalor and servitude would go over. Varys interrupts the awkwardness with the “news” that the Slave Masters are behind the Sons of the Harpy. I wouldn't think it would take an interrogation to figure that one out but to each their own.

The party reviews their options. A full on attack of Astapor and Yunkai would leave Meereen vulnerable. Also, taking over those cities by force didn't work the first time. It looks like diplomacy is in order.

Game of Thrones 6x02: Home

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Pyke -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

Way the Hell Up North
Remember Bran? He was certainly a character at one point. But he's back! And he's having dream visions.

Bran is seeing Winterfell in the past. It's the far enough in the past that we're denied a Sean Bean cameo. Instead we see a very young Eddard Stark and his brother Benjen sparring with each other. Ned's sister Lyanna and a talking Hodor (real name Wylis, apparently) make appearances too!

After the vision Bran meets with Meera who is all sad that her brother died in a fiery blaze of agony and death. Meera doesn't know what to do with herself but is told that Bran will need her help. So, yeah, woman, stop moping about your brother. You've got a man to tend to!

Game of Thrones 6x01: The Red Woman

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen -> Dorne

Winterfell
Ramsay Bolton is acting all sad over the death of Myranda. It's an act. Hell, maybe he's trying to fool himself? Regardless, he's a sociopath so he's incapable of feeling sadness. To emphasize this fact he wants Myranda's body to be fed to the dogs.

Roose Bolton reminds Ramsay that their hold over the North is tentative and can only be solidified with a Stark. Unfortunately for Ramsay, he is now Stark-less. Roose then reminds Ramsay of Roose's unborn baby and how, if it is a boy, Ramsay is replaceable. If Roose actually loved his unborn baby he certainly wouldn't taunt Ramsay with it. That's a recipe for disaster. So either Roose is stupid or uncaring. My vote is for both!

Meanwhile, Theon and Sansa did indeed survive their jump from the castle walls. I know we were all worried! They are on the run from some hunters and their dogs. Theon wants to go through a river but Sansa is more apprehensive.

I know Sansa has been a bit of a whiner on occasion in this series but I'm with her! It looks cold out there and that water looks freezing. Walking through it is a very real danger.

But they don't die even after leaving the river. Walking in the cold in wet clothes is a recipe for hypothermia. They don't even get a fire going! It's not a big deal, though, because they're soon found. Luckily, Brienne shows up to kick some ass! Podrick is there too and he gets to penetrate one person. With his sword, of course.

Anyway, Brienne pledges allegiance to Sansa Stark. Sansa accepts and now Brienne, Sansa, Theon and Podrick are all together. Yay for characters coming together!

The Walking Dead 6x16: Last Day On Earth

In today's day and age, season finales are a big deal. They're epic. They're game changers. They leave you wanting more.

The Walking Dead has been no different. They've always wanted to go out with a bang. But then there's Last Day on Earth. Hooo...boy. The only thing epic about this episode is its running time.

I've talked about The Walking Dead artificially lengthening episodes in an attempt to gain unearned gravitas before but this episode takes the cake. So little happens in this episode that I doubt it would feel satisfying filling up a regular length show let alone an episode with an extra 50% running time.

The Walking Dead 6x15: East

I talked about magic entering The Walking Dead universe before. It certainly feels out of place even though zombies defy all laws of physics. Yet it looks I have to get used to it. Once again we have people with the super human ability to just teleport to wherever they'd like.

This time it's Daryl's new nemesis, Dwight, and his group of people. Speaking of Dwight and his group, are they a part of the Saviors? I wouldn't think so. He hated them, right? So why is he acting like this? I'm so confused.

The Walking Dead 6x14: Twice As Far

You know what I love seeing? People being mopey assholes. You know, people whining and complaining, being asses to each other for no good reason. It's really compelling television!

Guess what we get in the episode of The Walking Dead, Twice as Far? People being mopey assholes! At least some of them redeem themselves by the end but, boy, is it tough to watch while it's happening.

The Walking Dead 6x13: The Same Boat

"You're not the good guys."

This is what Michelle of the Saviors tells Maggie as she was interrogating her. It is a reminder that we are all the heroes of our own stories. It's also a reminder that sometimes (especially in nihilistic fiction) protagonists and antagonists have more to do with familiarity than actions. It's the people we follow for longer and spend more time with that we end up rooting for. We root against unfamiliar new comers even if they're not that different from the people we are rooting for.

The Walking Dead 6x12: Not Tomorrow Yet

Remember American Pie? That teen sex comedy in the 1990's? It was about four boys who make a pact to have sex by the time they graduate high school. Sex was a rite of passage to them. On the Walking Dead, murder is the rite of passage.

A person's first murder seemed to be a big theme in Not Tomorrow Yet. Alexandria agreed to kill the Saviors for the Hilltop in exchange for food and a cow. Both Glenn and Heath bond over never killing anybody but know that this operation is going to change things.

Morgan, of course, is against this plan and comes up with a completely naïve alternative. He wants to talk to it out. I get and appreciate that Morgan never wants to kill again but he also needs to know when to pick his battles. And if you are going to pick your battles, come up with a better plan than intimidation! Daryl has encountered Negan's crew, he'll tell you how well that plan would go over. I mean, I love Morgan, but in this episode he actually annoyed me more than Carol!

The Walking Dead 6x11: Knots Untie

Ooooh boy...of all the episodes of The Walking Dead this was certainly one of them. There were...people...zombies...talking. Rick's group traveled to a new town. And...uh...well...

Alright, I'll be honest. I got nothing. This episode gave me very little to discuss and the viewer very little to digest.

Don't get me wrong. The premise of this episode is one town in the zombie apocalypse coming in contact with another town. They try to learn about each other and negotiate a deal while trying to be cautious. I think that could be an interesting and exciting episode. This was not an interesting and exciting episode.

The Walking Dead 6x10: The Next World

Zombies don't exist.

I know, I know, I'm not breaking any news. But it's true, zombie don't exist and zombies (at least presented in traditional zombie movies) can never exist. Zombies defy the laws of physics, specifically law of conservation of mass. On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 least likely, 10 most likely) the likelihood of a zombie outbreak actually occurring is approximately -10,050,100,770.3691.

So, obviously, when watching The Walking Dead you need to suspend your disbelief. Believing in the zombie apocalypse is already a huge detour from reality. So, why then, is it so hard to swallow when the show introduces a man whose nickname is Jesus and is clearly magic?

The Walking Dead 6x09: No Way Out

People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and Rick can't do that as Rick Grimes. As a man, he's flesh and blood, he can be ignored, he can be destroyed; but as a symbol...as a symbol he can be incorruptible, he can be everlasting!

What symbol are we talking about? No...Not Batman. But that would be awesome! Nah, the symbol is...well...of someone who decides to walk and start maniacally whacking zombies.

OK, that's kind of an odd symbol, maybe Batman Begins wasn't the best reference to use. But the point is Batman inspired a city to be better and now so has Rick Grimes.

The Walking Dead 6x08: Start to Finish

So, the shit hit the fan. It's not really a surprise. This is the midseason finale and we saw what happened at the end of last episode. The church tower fell onto the fence allowing Alexandria to be overrun by zombies.

And when the shit is hitting the fan, the undead are roaming your once safe town and all hope seems lost, you know what the best thing to do is? It's to start fighting with each other over your own personal beefs. Because pissing and moaning at each other is a real productive way to keep from dying.

The Walking Dead 6x07: Heads Up

Glenn lives!

Is it surprising? I'm not sure. I will admit that when I first saw the end of "Thank You" I thought Glenn was a goner. This is partially because I've thought for the past few seasons that Glenn was primed to die. Glenn is the most expendable character whose death would get the biggest reaction. (In other words, obviously Rick and Carl are safe since they're the two primaries on the show, I don't think The Walking Dead would have the guts to kill off ultra-fan favorites Daryl, Carol and Michonne and anyone else wouldn't get as much of a reaction as Glenn would. Maybe Maggie?)

Anyway, as the episodes moved forward and there was no confirmation of Glenn's death I, as well as most of the internet, got suspicious. There's the old saying in serialized fiction, no body equals no death. And, sure enough, we find that Glenn preposterously survived. Not one zombie got in a single bit on Glenn? Not one!?! Whatever.