Talking about comic books, TV shows, movies, sports, and the numerous other pastimes that make us Gentlemen of Leisure.

Monday, May 5, 2008

MLB Headlines Week 5

Exciting times. We have are first non-tie of the year! So, after factoring all those people I assume accidentally voted for Teebore when they meant to vote for me, and it turns out that I won! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
Anyway, we might as well get to the headlines. Keep in mind, I do not look at my opponents' headlines. I write mine first and then look at their's and there is no editing.
After the headlines there will be a truncated Sunday Fantasy Baseball Log. Headline of the Week:
Abra-Cabrera! Indians walk off in 11

I'm not even sure what to say about that one.

Onto the headlines!

May 4th, 2008 – Rays 3 Red Sox 7
Youkilis kills Kazmir, Rays

May 4th, 2008 - Reds 7 Braves 14
Arroyo a no-no as Braves sweep Reds

May 4th, 2008 - Tigers 6 Twins 7
The Gambler gets bluffed as Twins take three from Tigers.

May 4th, 2008 - Tigers 6 Twins 7

May 4th, 2008 - Dodgers 2 Rockies 7
Colorado's Cook flambes Pierre and Dodgers

May 4th, 2008 - Orioles 5 Angels 6
Hunter bashes 3-run shot off Orioles' egg

Dr. Bitz:
May 4th, 2008 – Rays 3 Red Sox 7
Youkilis sends ball flying to Yucatan in Red Sox victory

May 4th, 2008 - Dodgers 2 Rockies 7
Rockies flambe Dodgers with Cook on the mound

May 4th, 2008 - Tigers 6 Twins 7
Twins sweep, Tigers weep, and into first place Minnesota leaps!

Yes, by coincidence, both Teebore and I picked the same Rays/Red Sox game and both mentioned Youkilis in our headline. And in an even bigger coincidence, boots- and I both chose the same Rockies/Dodgers game, both decided to make the same pun regarding the pitcher Cook, and both decided to use the term 'flambe.' I'm flabbergasted. I would say great minds think alike, but I wouldn't want to insult my fellow gentlemen.

Voting occurs to your left!

Now, the Sunday Fantasy Baseball Log.

11:35 AM - Another week, another ass of mine being kicked. I don't know how many asses of mine I have left to kick, but I have a feeling I'm going to find out this season. Here's how it stands:
Me: 25 4 33 2 .291 1 3 19 4.41 1.49
Him: 28 8 29 3 .292 5 2 51 2.01 0.88

I'm down 8 categories. This is the second week in a row that by Wednesday I was down 7 categories. I'm getting sick of it. I suppose its better than the first two weeks where I was leading 7 categories for most of the week only to lose them on Sunday. That really stunk.
It looks like my opponent pretty much has 5 categories already wrapped up: Home Runs, Wins, Strike Outs, ERA, and WHIP. Stolen bases is one of those annoying categories where you can't get one when you need one. Two stolen bases in a day isn't out of the question, but to get them on a Sunday while your opponent doesn't get any to give you the one steal victory just never seems to happen.
This week was especially tough because I picked up some different pitchers to replace my 'scrubs' from last Sunday. After all that I was left with one more add for the week. Then on Tuesday A-Rod went on the DL. (The curse of my fantasy players getting injured is starting to creep up.) So I had to pick up a third basemen and used up my last player add for the week. This was the same week rookie phenom pitcher Max Scherzer became available and I couldn't even make a stab for him. Luckily the number one waiver took him so I never had a chance to get him. But still, I'd give my right nut for that guy.
Beyond that, it looks like Yovani Gallardo tore his ACL and is likely out for the year...awesome.
I actually have plans this Sunday. I know, it's shocking. So my log will be quite truncated, possibly non-existent. I will leave around 12:30PM and by the time I get back my entire team will have played. My opponent will have some pitchers going Sunday night. Perhaps it's for the best that I miss this Sunday since it's shaping up to be a miserable one. As I said on my Fantasy League's chat board: "My team blows."

12:38 PM - First batter of the day is Travis 'Remember when I was good?' Hafner. He, shockingly, grounded out to second. I would've figured he'd strike out.

12:40 PM - Carl Crawford and Brandon Phillips are soon to be batting. The excitement in the room is electric!

12:44 PM - Ground out and...a fly out. It's going to be a great Sunday for me. I'm sad I'm going to have to miss the rest of it. And yes, I'm rolling my eyes at the moment.
Anyway, I'll be back to tally up another losing week for me.

7:14 PM - Just got back from seeing Iron Man. Pretty good movie. I should pick up Iron Man for my fantasy team. Although, he may get suspended for too many DUIs. Or in his case, too many FFBSUIs (Flying Futuristic Battle Suit Under the Influence). Let's see how piss poor my team did.
I'm losing 7-2. Awesome. Had two homeruns, so that's cool, although that's not nearly enough to make up my deficit in the category. Came back to tie runs, whooped up in RBIs, and won Average. And that's all. Couldn't get a stolen base to save my life.
My opponent got two Saves while I got none which means he wins that category by one. He's got some pitchers going tonight but they'll merely pad his stats. So, after tonight's game I'll show you the complete results of this week's massacre.

10:04 PM - Alright, mercifully, this week is officially over. Here is how it all shaped up:

Me: 31 6 42 2 .299 1 3 37 4.18 1.38
Him: 31 9 32 3 .266 8 4 70 2.56 0.98

Some impressive stats for him in the pitching category, and freakishly, I have the exact same average this week as I did last week! But overall, I've got no excuse. My team stunk, his team didn't, and, coincidentally, my team lost. I don't even know why I play fantasy sports. It's stupid and only stupid people win at it.

I'm going to start something new called my "Nemesis of the Week." Every week one player on my opponent's team seems to stand head and shoulders above the rest in the department of pissing me off. So here is the first ever Nemesis of the Week.

Nemesis of the Week:
Connor Jackson. What a bastard this guy is. With a line for the week of 6 Runs, 2 Home Runs, 5 RBI, 1 Stolen base, and a .375 batting average he could seemingly do no wrong (or right from my perspective). That pisses me off. And beyond that, who the hell is Connor Jackson anyway? I don't want some no name to suddenly 'break out' and start beating up on my team. If my team's going to lose it should lose to the stars, not the scrubs.
Russel Martin, you're a close second. But mainly I just hate any catcher that does better than Joe Mauer. Yes, McCann, I'm looking in your direction.

Oh well, I should be back next week with a longer log of fantasy misery. Until next time!


  1. Abra-Cabrera...

    Sometimes you forget how awesome those pun writers are, and then something like that comes along to remind you.

  2. Is it wrong that your "fantasy misery" brings me joy?

    What a great line -

    "fantasy misery"

    Marinate in that for awhile.

    So many double entredres . . .


Comment. Please. Love it? Hate it? Are mildly indifferent to it? Let us know!