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Monday, May 26, 2008

MLB Headlines Week 8

Well another week of headlines and puns. It looks like I won outright this week, without any cheating. How disappointing. Although I couldn't help but notice that the voting total was down. (Not that we get all the much readership anyway, but still.) So I've added another poll to the left.
In other news...ummm...I'm wearing pants? Let's get to headlines. Headline of the Week:
Yankees get A-Rod back in lineup

OK, no pun in there, but I was thinking, if you knew nothing about baseball, wouldn't you ask "What's a rod have to do with baseball and why were the Yankees without one?"

Oh yeah, did hear about the pitcher who was traded for 10 baseball bats?
That's gotta hurt the old ego, right?

Anyway, onto our headlines:

May 25th, 2008 – Twins 6 Tigers 1
Kubel celebrates birthday in Grand fashion as Twins take two from Tigers

May 24th, 2008 - Rangers 2 Indians 5
Hamilton doesn't hammer as Borowski doesn't blow it, bouncing back from DL

May 24th, 2008 - Orioles 4 Rays 11
Rays go Longoria in unEvan victory

May 25th, 2008 - Twins 6 Tigers 1
Tigers spend yet Twin Slams

May 25th, 2008 - Reds 9 Padres 12
Hel-LO! My name is Adrian Gonzales. You stretched the game. Prepare to lose. (Think Princess Bride)

May 25th, 2008 - Giants 6 Marlines 8
Bonds still gone. Roid-less Giants lose again

Dr. Bitz:
May 25th, 2008 – Twins 6 Tigers 1
Perkins gets the Grand Slam he asks for...just don't ask for a Grand Slam at Perkins

May 24th, 2008 - Twins 3 Tigers 19
Tigers triumphantly trounce Twins...totally

May 25th, 2008 - Phillies 15 Astros 6
Utley unleashes one, Burrel bashes one, Jenkins jacks one, and Seanez seizes a win in Phillie victory

I have a feeling that fantasy baseball is influencing some of the headlines. But I could be wrong. Voting to your left, as always. Now onto the Sunday Fantasy Baseball Log...I hope you both enjoy reading it!

10:32 AM -'s a shocker, I'm getting my ass kicked. I'm getting tired of going against hot hitters. 2 weeks ago it was Lance Berkman. One week ago I had to go against Mr. "I refuse to not hit home runs" Ryan Braun, this week I'm dealing with Josh Hamilton (who's leading the American league in average and RBIs, and tied in the American League for Home runs) and Chipper Jones (Whose average on the season is like .410). All that said, I started the week doing well. I was up like 7-3. Most of that were the pitching categories...except saves. Then Friday happened.
I remember I got home on Friday and saw on the boob tube that Hunter Pence hit two home runs in a game. I was excited. Little did I know that was pretty much my entire offense on the day. My line for Friday was 4 runs, 2 Home Runs, 5 RBI, .212 Average. I was pretty much doubled up by my opponent in every category that day except home runs.
But what really killed me was my pitching. I was doing really well in pitching until, you guessed it, Friday. I had 4 pitchers going. Since my ERA and WHIP were good I was nervous about 4 pitchers going, but I decided to keep them all in for strike outs, and since two of them were Fausto Carmona and Erik Bedard I figured my ERA and WHIP wouldn't get hurt too much. In the words of a bald Kevin Spacey...WRONG!
My pitching stats for Friday? 19 Innings, 1 Win, 1 Save, 9.95 ERA, 2.16 WHIP. That's terrible. And it's a good thing I kept all four pitchers in, because the ones I trusted the least, Oliver Perez and Andy Pettite did the best. (And Perez didn't do very well.) It was Carmona and Bedard that killed me. Bedard went 4.1 innings, had 3 strikeouts, an 18.69 ERA, and a 2.00 WHIP. Not to be outdone, Fausto Carmon went only 2 inning with one strikeout, a 27.00 ERA and 4.00 WHIP. Ouch. Of course, Carmona injured himself in that game and now he's on the DL. Awesome. That made Oliver Perez's 7.20 ERA and 2.80 WHIP look downright good.
Friday killed me and catapulted my opponent's team into the lead in ERA and WHIP. This is how it looks now:

Me: 35 7 23 4 .296 3 2 48 5.61 1.36
Him: 36 11 38 3 .358 0 6 34 3.40 1.16

Well, that's not a whole lot of categories I can catch up tin. Runs of course, and maybe WHIP. So the best I can hope for is a 5-5 tie at this point. I didn't have any pitchers going today and my opponent had one. I could've just kept things that way and hope his pitcher biffs up WHIP enough to give me the lead, but I decided to pick up the two available pitchers starting today. I picked the ones with the best WHIP. I really don't know what the best strategy would be in this case, but I decided to pick up Tim Redding and Glen Perkins and hope for miracle pitching performances from both of them. And yes, against my better judgement, I picked up Glen Perkins despite the Tigers scoring 19 runs yesterday. Stupid Twins...
Anyway, we'll see if the two pitchers help my WHIP or if I was better off not picking up any pitchers. Otherwise, aside from a miracle day from my players, it looks like I'm going down in fantasy flames. I hope you enjoy you it you vultures.

12:10 PM - First batter of the day is Mr. Glass himself! He's playing most likely because he was taken out early yesterday due to the shellacking the Twins received. And Mauer walks. Shocking.

12:13 PM - The dangerous Ranger duo of Young and Hamilton had a ground out and a walk for my opponent. Which is about the most I can hope for when they come up to bat.

12:14 PM - I hate that my opponent has Justin Morneau. It makes rooting for the Twins...difficult. I'm always hoping he reaches on an error.

12:16 PM - Morneau grounded out. I noticed Victor Martinez is back in the Indians lineup after a few days off. Not happy about that, but at least he's abiding by the Twins philosophy of catchers and hasn't hit a home run all year.

12:18 PM - Perkins starts his game off with a strike out. Nothing wrong with that.

12:21 PM - 1-2-3 first inning for Perkins. Keep it up!

12:22 PM - Naturally The Black Hole Formerly Known As Travis Hafner singled, since he's on my bench. And Victor Martinez with an RBI single. I'd be more upset if RBIs and Average wasn't out of reach to begin with.

12:28 PM - Well, 'Rally Killer' Delmon Young came up to bat with a man on first and third and nobody out. Even the 'Rally Killer' couldn't screw it up, he certainly tried though. A run comes in on a double play. So no RBI for him. I'm so glad I dropped him.

12:38 PM - Guillen hit a home run off of Perkins. I'm more upset about the hit more than anything else.

12:39 PM - Now Perkins gives up a walk. Grrrrrr...

12:41 PM - So it's a home run followed by two walks all now all on two outs. Perkins, you're worthless. I need a good WHIP!

12:42 PM - Alex *Expletive Deleted* Rodriguez just walked. My players are walking left and right.

12:47 PM - Apparently Aaron Rowand just had a two run homer for my opponent. Sounds about right.

12:48 PM - My team finally has an 'official' at-bat, at its a line out by Mauer.

12:52 PM - Crawford with a single, and now a single moved him to third. It would be nice if he crossed the plate.

1:00 PM - Crawford, on third, one out, but he couldn't cross home plate. At least 'Professor' Xavier Nady hit a solo shot. I'm only down by a run.

1:01 PM - Ryan Branyan hit a single off my Washington pitcher. He's a Brewer and playing 3rd base so I imagine him looking like Ryan Braun with a fake mustache.

1:04 PM - Twins have a man on first and second, one out, 'Rally Killer' Delmon Young up to bat. I'm sure you'll be all shocked to hear that he just hit into an inning ending double play.

1:05 PM - Failed to notice Mark Derosa crossed home plate. Now I'm down by 2 runs again. Yay.

1:19 PM - Spicy Tejada with a Spicy Single.

1:32 PM - Mauer flies out to 'deep' center field. According to the announcers 'At any other ballpark that would've been a home run, but not at Tiger Stadium.' Ummm...yeah right.

1:36 PM - Tejada scored. I'm only down by run one...or one run!

1:38 PM - And now Hunter Pence popped out...lame-oid.

1:42 PM - I suppose I should exercise some. I'll be back, I know you'll miss me.

2:29 PM - Well, as I was on the treadmill I got to see Jason Kubel hit a grand slam. Good for the Twins. Mauer was on base due to an intentional walk. Good for me. Morneau was on base because he walked too. Good for my opponent. So fantasy-wise, the whole thing was a washout.

2:30 PM - Well, I see that Tejada got another run. That's good. I'm tied in the category. Also saw that Tejada and A-Rod had a steal. That should seal the category for me.

2:31 PM - I'm kind of gamy. I should go shower with soap...and water...soap...and water. Stanky a...uh...nevermind.

2:57 PM - Well, I've been scrubbed clean. I heard on the radio that Ian Kinsler hit a home run. That annoys me. Has nothing to do with this week, it's just, I had him last year and he was awesome for a month and a half, then stunk, then got injured. Now he's good again but not on my team. Bastard. Let's check the score board.

2:59 PM - Not much has changed. Tim Redding has gotten lit up. That's not really good. But it appears it will ultimately be meaningless. No more runs on either side so we're still tied there and Pence just singled and A-Rod walked. Hopefully they both score. (Not like that, I'm not interest in baseball players private lives.)

3:04 PM - A-Rod's on third with one out. I could take the lead in runs...

3:10 PM - Well, Alex *Compliment Deleted* Rodriguez scored. I'm up one run.

3:34 PM - Ryan Ludwick struck out swinging. Which is nice, since he's been a thorn in my side all week.

3:57 PM - Nothing really exciting going on. Hunter Pence and Brandon Phillips up to bat. Pence just lined out, I think we all know what I must throw him through.

3:59 PM - And Brandon Phillips struck out swinging. Awesome.

4:39 PM - Brandon Phillips picked up a run. Always appreciated.

4:47 PM - Well, my savior of last week, Sherrill, came in in the 9th inning of a tie game and promptly walked a batter, then gave up a double to end the game. He has the coveted infinite ERA and infinite WHIP. I think the secret to time travel involves infinite ERA and WHIP...but I could be wrong.

5:07 PM - You know, I generally hate commercials. But the commercial with the family eating dinner and the son says he put all of his sister's friends in his Fave 5 because her friends are hot and the sister is upset and the dad says "Maybe you should have uglier friends" always makes me chuckle

5:17 PM - Brandon Phillips hits a home run. That's nice...and pretty much seals runs for me. I think this week is pretty much over already. Looks like a 4-6 loss for me.

5:30 PM - Youkilis is now 0 for 4. The Black Hole Formerly Known As Travis Hafner has outperformed him this weekend and The Mummified Remains Of Gary Sheffield out performed both of them...that's not good.

5:40 PM - This certainly has been an unexciting Sunday. Probably because so little categories were in doubt. Anyway, I have to go to a barbecue now, but I'll be back with the ever exciting wrap up.

12:23 AM - Well, I'm tired and coming down from a buzz, so we'll see how well this all works out. The final score of the night is:

Me: 45 11 29 7 .301 4 2 59 5.43 1.42
Him: 39 12 44 3 .332 2 7 41 3.53 1.20

Carlos Quentin had a big game for me in the night game going 3 for 3 with two home runs. But really, all that served to do was be a slap in the face to me because I didn't have A-Rod in my lineup the first night he came off the DL and he hit a home run that night. I usually wait till a player on the DL actually plays a game before dropping somebody to put the person on the DL in my line up and of course this time it cost me a tie in a category. Of course, if the umpires weren't idiots and didn't call A-Rod's homer off a railing a double I would've tied the category anyway. Oh well.
The pitchers I picked up today combined to actually hurt my WHIP. So I chose...poorly. Oh well, if I didn't have any pitchers going today I'd have still lost WHIP, so what are you gonna do?
Also, creepily enough, my opponent for two weeks in a row ended up with the same amount of RBI, 44. I really hope next week I can face someone who will get below 40 RBI for the week.

Nemesis of The Week:
Every batter on my opponents team except Victor Martinez and Michael Young. Sorry, it was just getting too difficult for me to pick. I mean, besides the two I mentioned, the only batter to hit below .300 was Justin Morneau (who hit a paltry .296) but had 3 runs and 5 RBI and Ryan Howard, who hit .276 but had 4 home runs, 6 runs, and 9 RBI. Mark DeRosa only had 4 Runs and 3 RBI but had a .409 Average. Chipper Jones had 5 runs, 3 RBI, a .476 Average and a home run. Ryan Ludwick and 5 Runs, 2 home runs, 9 RBI, a Stolen base, and a .318 Average. Josh 'Friggin' Hamilton hit 5 Runs, 2 Home Runs, 4 RBI, 2 Steals, and a .412 Average. And Aaron Rowand, who I thought was suppose to suck, had 3 runs, 2 home runs, 9 RBI, and a .364 batting average. So frankly, they all pissed me off. I couldn't choose between any of those 7 batters. And I can't compete with them either. Those averages were sick...

Savior of the Week:
Carlos Quentin had 6 Runs, 3 Home Runs, 6 RBI, and a .300 average, but he's not the Savior of the Week. I think Brandon Phillips edges out Quentin because he contributed to categories that I won. He had 8 Runs, 1 Home Run, 3 RBI, 3 Steals, and .333 Average. Those stolen bases were nice.

The moral of the story is that if you have arguably the best hitter in baseball reportedly coming off the DL on a Tuesday you should make sure he's in your line up that Tuesday because...well...he's probably the best hitter in baseball. Hmmm...sounds kind of obvious when I put it like that.

1 comment:

  1. I did enjoy it, thank you very much.

    I know we like to joke about Delmon Young being a rally killer, but its really sad how true our jokes are. He hits into two double plays in one game-that's pretty lame. And he did the same thing on Thursday. Humor by exaggeration stops being funny when the exaggeration is true...

    I love that cell phone commercial. I chuckle at it every time I see it. It just never gets old (kind of like Hunter Pence sliding glass door jokes).


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