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Thursday, September 4, 2008

An Alaskan Affliction of Affection

It’s 1:16 A.M. on September 3, 2008 and I can’t sleep. I’m blaming the Iced Vanilla Nirvana I had at CIVICFEST earlier in the day but it could also be the Iced double shot Vanilla Latte I downed at work at 530 this morning.

So, what does Adam do when he can’t sleep? Yahoo search news articles and Wikipedia Sarah Palin of course!

My first impression upon hearing the news about McCain’s VP pick was instant recognition of the political “play” – Hillary wasn’t chosen as the Donkey VP so we’ll throw a woman up there and gain all the hardcore feminists and the brokenhearted who swooned for Clinton.

Then I saw Sarah for the first time. WOW! She’s really, really HOT! I’m thinking maybe I should move to Alaska and become a Governmental intern.

As I’m taking in current events and leaning more about her, things continue to grow. Compared to McCain she’s much more conservative and a Christian in the mold of Bush. Anyone who’s read my book, A BOOK CALLED LIFE – Containing the Answers to the Meaning of Life, should know about my peckishness for those Christian girls . . . Mmmmmm . . . salvation. Yummy.

She’s clearly anti-abortion (Mmmmm . . . un-dead babies), pro-gun (shoot babies once they’re no longer babies), and knows how to work a business suit.

She christened her children after their conception markers.

TRACK – conceived while riding a train back from the Alaskan Summer Marathon.

BRISTOL – Created underneath a freeway overpass.

WILLOW – Sperm penetrated egg immediately after a dance number in Buffy (Musical episode).

PIPER – Annual Salmon fishing expedition with Rowdy Roddy.

TRIG – Make-up sex following a heated argument after the trip down to the car dealership where she had to co-sign for her husband’s Tahoo.

During high school, Ms, Palin earned the nickname “Sarah Barracuda” for her intensity on the basketball court (Mmmmmmm . . . athletic chick).

She plays the flute (Mmmmmmm . . . easily thought of double entendre).

She resigned from her job with the Alaskan Oil and Gas Conservation Commission due to a “lack of ethics” of her co-workers (Mmmmmmm . . .same reason I quit my last job).

I’m sure we’ll be seeing and hearing more from Sarah within the next couple of months. I won’t be voting for her, but I’ll enjoy the experience.


  1. I dunno, I haven't found Palin as "hot" as some guys. But maybe that's because she claims to be a pitbull with lipstick...which makes me fear for my jugular.

  2. Your jugular if your lucky.

  3. While I don't necessarily find Palin all that "hot" on her own (though she certainly is an attractive women, especially for a politician, though it helps that she's not old and male) I do see the resemblance to Tina Fey that much has already been made of.

    So now whenever I hear Palin mentioned, in my head I picture her as a powerful Tina Fey and she becomes much hotter to me.

    Of course, this inevitably leads to disappointment when I see pictures of Palin and I'm reminded she's not, in fact, Tina Fey.

    Perhaps this affects my estimation of her attractiveness: she suffers due to my unfair expectations.

  4. I thought the hockey mom / pitbull joke was a political first - as in the first time a politician, besides Ralph Nader or Mike Huckabee, made me laugh.

    I don't see the Tina Fey resemblance. Just because two people wear the same accessory doesn't mean they look alike.

    HEY, GENTLEMEN - I finally figured out how to attach labels to my posts!!! Give me a cookie (white chocolate, please. I don't like regular chocolate.)

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