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Monday, April 14, 2008

MLB Headlines Week 2

OK, so the results of the voting are in. It looks like I win! Sure, my votes were tied with boots~'s but since boots~ technically broke the rules, I'm declaring myself the winner. Bwa-ha-ha!
In case any are interested, my Fantasy Baseball team suffered another crushing defeat. A defeat brought on, once again, by a stellar Sunday performance by my opponent. We'll see how things go this week, and if it's entertaining enough, you might see a log of my Sunday and how I'm getting screwed and how enraged I get. (Stupid Twins and Tigers not earning a run and costing me a category.)
Anyway, let's first display the headline of the week:

Mets begin to Shea goodbye in opener vs. Phils

Sure, that's entertaining, but if I wasn't limited to just then "Mosley to stay at FIA despite orgy" would definitely be the headline of the week.

So, onto the main event. I may warn you, boots~'s headlines are a bit more racy than usual. Luckily I'm above that sort of thing so I took the high road.

Here we go:

April 12th, 2008 – Phillies 7 Cubs 1
A sad Victorino for Phillies: Shane Victorino lands on 15-Day DL as Phillies beat Cubs

April 12th, 2008 - Twins 2 Royals 0
Twins freeze out Royals in cold KC shutout

April 13th, 2008 - White Sox 11 Tigers 0
Konerko's grand slam helps KOs Tigers

April 11th, 2008 - Yankees 4 Boston 1
Wang sticks it to Sox

April 12th, 2008 - Twins 2 Royals 0
Boof's balls almost untouched by Royals

April 13th, 2008 - Cubs 6 Phillies 5
Team of Brotherly Love beaten by Cubs' Wood

Dr. Bitz:
April 13th 2008 - Brewers 9 Mets 7
Perez pisses his pants with pathetic pitching against Brewers

April 13th 2008 - Twins 1 Royals 5
Bannister bans Twins from stirring up an earned run

April 11th 2008 - Yankees 4 Boston 1
Yank' Wang erects a penetrating pitching performance that penalized Red Sox lineup

As always, the polls are open and to your left.


  1. Dr. Bitz, methinks you let your less-than stellar Fantasy pitching affect your writing of your first pun...

    And apparently I'm the only one who didn't write a dirty pun. Shame on me.

  2. Hey, whatever the fantasy implications, the fact remains that Perez pitched poorly. (Extra credit for that alliteration.)

    And really, YANKees, Wang...the headline writes itself. You should be ashamed for not participating.

  3. hmmmmm . . . another headline in response to the dr's claim of victory over me for week one -


    You're like Russia planting a flag on the artic floor . . .


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