All evidence seems to indicate they have been replaced by a team of inferior lookalikes, perhaps from a mirror universe, unable to consistently score more than two runs in a game. Amongst the duplicates are the frustrating Justin Morneau-for-4, the shifty "Maybe Jesus?" Mauer, the aged and patched together RonDL, the impish and many faced third baseman L-Puntcherkins and a swarm of young guppies. While numerous, these guppies are more or less ineffective when placed in a larger pond than one to which they are accustomed.
If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of the real Twins offense, please contact the Metrodome in Minneapolis, MN. Management has made it abundantly clear that no replacements will be found; the hopes of all Twins Territory rests on the return of the true Twins offense and the expulsion of these genetically-identical-yet-offensively-inept duplicates.