Retro Review: Homer Defined

Or The One Where: Homer earns unwanted fame after averting a meltdown.

The Setup: By sheer luck, Homer manages to push the right button to stop a meltdown of the power plant.

Notable Notes: Basketball player Earvin "Magic" Johnson guest-stars as himself in this episode, becoming the first pro athlete to appear on the show.

One Sentence Reviews

The Last Full Measure by Jeff Shaara (Historical Fiction novel): An entertaining novelization about the end of the Civil War in which neither Grant nor Lee are entirely the hero or the villain, the book really illustrated to me just how similar the Siege of Petersburg was to the WWI trench warfare it presaged.

April 1865 by Jay Winick (History book): A readable and enjoyable look at all the significant events that took place during that month (the fall of Richmond, the surrender of Lee and the assassination of Lincoln), I was particularly intrigued by just how close the government came to complete collapse in the wake of Lincoln’s death.

The March by E.L. Doctrow (Historical Fiction): Incredibly well-written and literary but difficult to finish due to a lack of compelling characters and plots.

Boston Celtics (Basketball team): I was really hoping the Lakers would pull a Giants and stick it to the obnoxious and spoiled Boston fans, but alas, ‘twas not meant to be…

MLB All-Star Game Voting (Baseball): Last I heard the Red Sox were leading the voting in something like six categories; memo to aforementioned Boston fans: it’s supposed to be the “All-Star” game, not the “Red Sox vs. the NL” game.

Top Chef (competition TV show): While this season was a bit dull (rage-inducing Lisa aside) and became “Top Caterer” more often than I would have liked, it was still a satisfying season.

Legacy of the Force: Revelations (Star Wars novel): Ha! Suck it Jacen: not everything always goes your way.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Guthrie Theater production): Awesome: the only Shakespearean adaptation I’ve ever seen with a Rambo impersonation, a drunk Practical, an Obama-esque Theseus, tearaway clothes, Faeries performing doowop, rock, soul, punk, rap and choral musical interludes, a cross-dressing Geisha, and a Riverdance-style finale to Pyramus and Thisbee, and it was funny, not just highbrow, literate, Shakespeare funny but laugh-out-loud, tears-rolling-down-my-face funny, all without changing the play itself.

Green With Envy

Look at that picture to the left. That's a sight I always knew was possible. That's a sight I always hoped to see. And finally, last Tuesday, I got to see that sight There was one problem with it. I did want see Kevin Garnett win a championship, I just wanted to see him do it wearing a Timberwolves jersey...not a Celtics jersey. So now I can't stand that picture to the left, and I'll you tell three reasons why.

1. The man responsible for trading Kevin Garnett has yet to be held accountable: Most people say the Timberwolves HAD to trade Kevin Garnett. The Timberwolves had so much money wrapped up in Garnett that they couldn't sign any top free agents. Couple that with the fact that Kevin Garnett by himself isn't good enough to carry a team to the playoffs and the Timberwolves were officially stuck in mediocrity. The only solution was for the team to bottom out, get some high draft picks, and rebuild. Part of me understands that. But the fact remains, the Timberwolves should have never put themselves in that position to begin with.
The Timberwolves had a superstar capable of bringing the team a championship. However, Garnett has his flaws and needs the right kind of players around him. The Timberwolves should have provided Garnett with those right players. But they didn't. They got to the playoffs a lot but could only get out of the first round once. The Timberwolves had one of the best players in the league and could do nothing with him.
The Timberwolves' inability to win consistently with a top 5 NBA player is a failure by the General Manager. I hate demanding someone be fired but Timberwolves GM Kevin McHale failed to build a winning team. His team was so bad that he had to trade away a well respected, hall of fame player and resort to rebuilding. Kevin McHale failed as a GM and should be fired. But for some reason he hasn't. And that pisses me off. If the Timberwolves are so messed up they need to start over completely then Kevin McHale needs to be held accountable. If I was as bad at my job as Kevin McHale is at his, I'd be writing for this blog full time.

2. Rumor is, the Kevin Garnett trade wasn't even a good one: Let's get one thing straight, as far as value for value, this trade was terrible. Kevin Garnett was traded for a good-maybe-great-someday Al Jefferson and a bunch of guys whose contracts are going to expire. But you're never going to get value when you pretty much say to the other teams 'we need trade Kevin Garnett before the season starts'.
But even accepting the fact that the Timberwolves aren't going to receive full value for Kevin Garnett, this trade was still bad. I've heard there were better offers from other teams, but those teams were all in the Western Conference. The idea of not wanting to trade your superstar within your own conference is stupid. You've already admitted you're rebuilding, so why are you worried about facing Kevin Garnett a few more times than if he was in the Eastern Conference.
Beyond that there's another rumor out there. This one has less validity, but I like it anyway. Rumor has it that the Lakers offered a much better deal for Kevin Garnett than the Celtics. However, the General Manager of the Timberwolves, and ex-Celtic great, Kevin McHale didn't want to trade KG to the Lakers because, being an ex-Celtic and all, he hates the Lakers. Basically, McHale was willing to take less for Garnett but help out his beloved Celtics rather than getting better players but helping out the Lakers he hates so much. Normally I would dismiss a rumor like this outright. But, for some reason, with Kevin McHale's track record, I almost believe it.

3. Minnesota has given Boston another championship: That's right, MINNESOTA has given BOSTON another CHAMPIONSHIP! In the major sports the past 8 years before the Kevin Garnett trade, you know how many championships the city of Boston had? 4. And during the past basketball season Boston picked up yet another championship with the Red Sox. That's 5 Boston championships compared to Minnesota's 0. Yet, Minnesota still handed Boston Kevin Garnett and GAVE them another championship. That would be like Bill Gates' cleaning lady saying that $10 and hour is just too expensive for Bill and deciding to take a dollar an hour pay cut. It's just the rich getting richer...it's absurd.

But, that just seems to be the Minnesota sports way. It's almost the minor leagues here. We cultivate great sports athletes and then ship them off so they can have success elsewhere.
But really, the one thing that I can't get over is that Kevin Garnett was the greatest Timberwolf ever. But that's just an afterthought now. In most people's minds now Kevin Garnett is just another Celtic great. Timberwolves? What does Kevin Garnett have to do with the Timberwolves? I won't be able to get over that. Or perhaps you could say I'm just green with envy.