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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Lost Mysteries

The series finale of Lost aired over a month ago. So things have finally settled in. After a lot of thought I've figured out most of the mysteries the show presented. I'll admit, most of my theories involve Macguffin the Magic Gnome who uses spells to manipulate reality in order to create interesting scenarios for the Losties, but whatever.

Anyway, despite the fact that I figured out most of the mysteries, there are still some remaining. So here are my top 5 mysteries not answered in Lost:

1. Gilligan and Company: At what point were Gilligan, the Skipper, the millionaire, his wife, the movie star, the professor and Mary Anne purged? When the Smoke Monster ripped Gilligan limb from limb did he regret never getting in on that threesome with Ginger and Mary Anne? And if the professor can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in the boat?

2. Kate's True Love: So, in the end, who was Kate's true love? Was it the shirtless, mysterious and sparkling Edward or the shirtless, cheerful and genuine Jacob?

3. Lack of Condoms: If women who get pregnant on the island die, why didn't Trojan Condoms set up a vending machine? I mean, what else is there to do on the island besides knock boots and run away from the Smoke Monster? Trojan would RAKE in the money.

4. Par for the Course: What was par for the golf holes the Losties created? I suppose they must be par 4 since 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 would all be too high (except for me).

5. Origin of the Shirt Monster: OK, so we got all the information we wanted about the Smoke Monster. (OK, we really didn't, but whatever.) What about the origin of the Shirt Monster? You know, that entity that seemed to devour people's shirt and reveal their rippling pecs? Why did it especially target Sawyer? And why the heck did it never target the women? (Actually, I think the FCC Monster had something to do with that. I think we can all agree that it's the most evil of all the monsters.)

6 comments:

  1. baroness van bitzenhoferJuly 1, 2010 at 10:10 PM

    Oh, my hubby, how you make me laugh...

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  2. Ha!

    This post is full of WIN

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  3. Man, I HATE the FCC Monster SO MUCH!

    And if the professor can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in the boat?

    Because Jacob?

    OK, so we got all the information we wanted about the Smoke Monster. (OK, we really didn't, but whatever.)

    Ha! Funny cuz it's true.

    Awesome post.

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  4. LMAO!! I'm with Falen, full of WIN!!

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  5. Oh my werd... so true :P

    But I'm afraid you forgot the most important question....

    If they had so many coconuts that they used throughout the show, how come there wasn't a single coconut tree to be seen?

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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