Law and Disorder

Ever hear of the constitution? It's kind of an important document. In fact, it's probably the most important document in American history AND American herstory. And, if you paid attention in American History 101, you'd know that there are amendments to the Constitution granting American citizens certain rights. You probably have heard of those rights. There's the one about allowing you to keep your loud mouth shut, there's the one giving you right to own a gun until it's pried from your cold dead hands, and there's that other one that grants paparazzi the right to give celebrities epileptic seizures with their flashbulbs. But we're not talking about those amendments.
The amendment I'm talking about is the fourth one. It goes a little something like this:

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Now that sounds like an amendment we can all get behind. However, there's hole in that amendment. I mean, sure, we want to be protected from unreasonable search and seizure, but what should happen if the police unreasonably search and/or seize? That's where the debate occurs. The Supreme Court ruled in 1914 (and added upon that ruling up until 1961) that any evidence found during an illegal search will be excluded from any court trial. But some of the current supreme court justices hope to change that. In fact, the US has recently taken strides in getting rid of the Exclusionary Rule. See for yourself in this article:

http://abajournal.com/news/supreme_court_limits_exclusionary_rule_allows_evidence_despite_police_error/

Furthermore, from what I've read, if Justice Roberts and Justice Scalia have there way, the Exclusionary Rule could be gone completely.

Now, you all know I'm bleeding heart liberal. So you probably can figure out where I stand on this issue. I know it's weird to think that the police could bust into my house and find all those dead hookers I have stashed under my stairway yet, if they busted into my house without a warrant, I could go Scott free. It kind of gives me the creeps too. But I still think the Exclusionary Rule is necessary.

As much as I'd like to think the Coast Guard are policing the police, that's not always the case. The Exclusionary Rule is a real good way to make sure the police are abiding by the fourth amendment. It just adds to the checks and balances, and I'm a fan of that. I'm all for locking up criminals, just do it with a warrant in hand.

That's just my two cents, though. And I'm no lawyer so take it with a grain of salt. Frankly, our civil liberties are the least of our problems. The real issue is what doing away with the Exclusionary Rule would do to one of my favorite police procedurals: Law and Order.

Ah...Law and Order. It seems that at any hour of the day I can find Law and Order in some form or another on some random channel and if I watch five minutes of it, I'm hooked for the remainder of the show. It has twists and turns and that famous duh-dum. Law and Order is just good fun and a good way to waste time. (Unless it's an episode that focuses on the personal life of one of the police officers or DAs. Please, I normally like character development, but not in a Law and Order episode.)

Anyway, my point is that about every third episode of Law and Order deals with the Exclusionary Rule. For whatever reason the police will end up obtaining evidence that, according to the Defense, they should have gotten a warrant for. Like the episode where the detectives found evidence in a homeless guy's box in a city park. You see, the Defense said that that box (and the surrounding area) was the homeless guy's "home" and thus the police needed a warrant to search it. Or there was an episode where New York underwent a blackout, and with police database offline, the police couldn't confirm the address of a store they suspected a kidnap victim was in. The police ended up busting into the store without a warrant and saved the victim. But with the Exclusionary Rule, there was a question as to whether or not the kidnapper would go free. (Thank God there's "inevitable discovery", am I right?)

Frankly, the Exclusionary Rule is Law and Order's go-to plot device. And the conservatives in the Supreme Court want to rip that away from the show. Well I say NO. Let's all band together and tell our government that we like Law and Order just the way it is!


As an addendum, I did came upon the article below and it discusses the eroding of the Exclusionary Rule. It reflects my point of view fairly well, if you're curious. I also like the fact that it brings up how Conservatives have a complete distrust of big government yet at the same time want to give unlimited power to the police department. It's just one those contradicting viewpoints that seem to be abundant amongst both extreme conservatives and extreme liberals. I find those contradictions weirdly fascinating...

http://www.reason.com/news/show/131311.html

Teebore's Ten Favorite Simpsons Characters: Sideshow Bob

Hey, remember when I was counting down my favorite Simpsons characters ? In light of the most recent episode, let’s take a look at Springfield’s resident clown-sidekick turned psycho-killer, Sideshow Bob.



‘Sideshow’ Bob Underdunk Tewilliger is the best kind of villain, in the Dr. Doom mold: erudite, cultured, and intelligent; the kind of guy who could be a bestselling author, famed classical actor or renowned university professor, if not for the fact that he’s a homicidal maniac.


Despite (or, perhaps, because of) his sophistication and high class pedigree, Bob was forced to endure physical gag after physical gag as Krusty’s sidekick, forced to remain silent, communicating only via slide whistle.


His career as a frustrated criminal mastermind began when he framed Krusty the Clown and took control of Krusty’s show, transforming it into a kind of “Masterpiece Theatre” for children. Exposed by Bart, this led in turn to Bob’s psychotic obsession with killing Bart Simpson in revenge. From there, Bob engaged in scheme after scheme, only to have each foiled in turn by Bart (and, to a lesser extent, Lisa). He married Aunt Selma (planning to kill her for the money), ran for mayor, set off an atomic weapon, and tried to kill Bart, a lot, all the while humming a Gilbert and Sullivan tune or spouting off Shakespearean quotations.


Favorite Sideshow Bob episode: I have three: season five’s Cape Feare, when Bob’s desire for revenge forces the family to enter witness protection, season six’s Sideshow Bob Roberts, in which Bob runs for Mayor, and season eight’s Brother from Another Series, where Bob claims to have reformed and helps his brother Cecil build a hydroelectric dam under the suspicious eyes of Bart and Lisa (I wish the ending of this episode had stuck, with Bob legitimately reformed and over his obsession with Bart but imprisoned alongside his criminal brother nonetheless. I was disappointed when Bob had seemingly returned to his murderous ways in his next appearance. But I digress).

Amongst those three, the favorite is easily Cape Feare. I remember the first time I saw the rake sequence (in which Bob, tracking the Simpsons to their new home, inexplicably finds himself surrounded by rakes, all turned so they slap him in the face as he takes a step) it caused one of the hardest and longest laughs of my entire life. If I had to pick a favorite overall episode, that one would definitely be in the running. But that’s another post.

Favorite Sideshow Bob lines: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!

Well, if it isn't my arch-nemesis Bart Simpson. And his sister Lisa to whom I'm fairly indifferent.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

Your guilty consciences may force you to vote Democratic, but deep in your hearts you long for a cold, Republican leader who'll cut taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king!

"Attempted murder?" Now really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Teebore's Ten Favorite Simpsons Characters: Mr. Burns

Look, we all knew he was coming eventually, so we may as well get him out of the way. Honestly, I was determined to leave Mr. Burns off the list because, well, everybody loves Mr. Burns. But I can't ignore the fact that for a long time, Mr. Burns was my favorite character, and remains one of them. Sometimes, everybody gets it right.

Charles Montgomery Burns (voiced by Harry Shearer) is Springfield's resident megalomaniac. Whether running for Governor, cheating on public health inspections ("the watchdog of public safety: is there any lower form of life?") polluting the...well everything, stealing Christmas from 1981-1985 or blotting out the sun, there is nothing Burnsy won't do if its in his own best interests.

Originally introduced as Homer's villainous one dimensional boss, Burns' popularity amongst the fans has led him to become, like the best villains, multidimensional. Despite his power, he is physically weak. Inept in his love, his desire for companionship and to be loved will sometimes trump his vile nature. And he is essentially honorable; after losing his fortune, Lisa helped him regain it, and as his adviser, he paid her the 10% of 120 million owed.

But at the end of the day, Burns is a favorite because he's a grandiose bad guy, woefully out of touch with the modern world and willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants.

Favorite Mr. Burns episode: It really comes down to three: Rosebud, a Citizen Kane pastiche from season four in which Mr. Burns yearns for his stuffed bear, Bobo, a symbol of his lost youth and innocence; Burns Heir, also from season four where in light of his inability to father an heir, he names Bart his successor; and The Old Man and the Lisa, from season eight, where Burns loses his fortune, then regains in by perverting Lisa's lessons in recycling. I went back and forth, leaning towards The Old Man and the Lisa, for the way it showcases both his evil and his honor, such as it is. But ultimately, it has to be Rosebud. One of the best Simpsons episodes, ever, it was the first time we saw Burns' softer side, and the lengths he'd go to get it back, and makes the grade for nothing else if not the sight of Burns and Smithers, in full ninja garb, hanging between the Simpsons and Flanders' homes after a failed nighttime attempt to retrieve the bear from Maggie, or when they are stuck on the kitchen ceiling as Homer spends the night slowly devouring 64 slices of American cheese.

Favorite Mr. Burns line: Who can pick just one?

"Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya."[Smithers whispers to him] Hmm? What? Oh, and by that I mean, of course, it's time for the "Worker of the Week Award"

Burns: Remember, your job and the future of your family hinges on our successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing: [ominously] you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey; it was in your glove compartment.
Burns: And the road maps? And ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Burns: Ex-cellent! It's all falling into place.

"Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to the maternity hospital or sitting in some phoney baloney church. Or synagogue."

"Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say "hard cheese"!"

Teebore's Ten Favorite Simpsons Characters: Disco Stu*

Disco Stu is, above all, a man of principle. He does not advertise. And once he makes a commitment, he sticks with it. Disco Stu made Disco his life, and twenty five years after its demise, he's not giving up on it, even if he's grown to hate it. That's the kind of man Disco Stu is, and it deserves recognition.


Disco Stu first appeared in the season seven episode "Two Bad Neighbors," (the one where George Bush the Elder moves in across the stree) attending the Evergreen Terrace garage sale. It was when Homer's "Disco Stu" jacket was pointed out to him that we learned of Disco Stu's principled stance on advertising himself. (Homer had originally tried rhinestoning Disco Stud onto his jacket, but ran out of room.)


Stu was voiced in that initial episode by Phil Hartman, something I never knew until recently. He likely may have disappeared after that episode (thus making him eligible for my forthcoming "Best One Shot Simpsons Characters" list) but for whatever reason, the creators brought him back, with Hank Azaria taking over the role. Disco Stu has appeared in numerous episodes since and had a few lines here and there, hitting on Marge and promoting the Disco lifestyle. He has yet to be featured significantly in an episode, which is odd in this day age when every bit player seems to have had his or her day in the sun (Jeez, even Gil's had an episode dedicated to him...).


Whether or not Stu ever gets the thrust into the spotlight or not, one thing will always remain true: this stalwart champion of Disco deserves our respect and admiration.

Favorite Disco Stu line: Hey, Disco Stu doesn't advertise!





*It has been suggested by some (cough Dr. Bitz cough) that I need to nut up, take a stand and actually rank my favorite characters from ten to one. Never one to back down from a challenge that isn't too hard, after I have posted all ten of my favorite characters' individual entries, I will then post a list counting down from ten to one.

Teebore's Ten Favorite Simpsons Characters: Lionel Hutz

Voiced by the incomparable Phil Hartman and first appearing in the second season episode “Bart Gets Hit By a Car” as an ambulance chaser sporting a business card that "turns into a sponge when you put it in water”, Lionel Hutz quickly became the lawyer of choice whenever the Simpsons faced legal troubles. Throughout the years he could be seen augmenting his mall based legal practice by working a variety of odd jobs including cobbler, babysitter and drug dealer keeper awayer. He once appeared in court unaware he wasn’t wearing any pants (who hasn’t?). His final speaking appearance (before being retired upon Phil Hartman’s untimely death-he still appears in crowd scenes) was in season nine’s Realty Bites, where he hired Marge to work for his Red Blazer Realty agency.

Favorite Lionel Hutz episode: Marge on the Lam, Season Five. With Marge gone for a Thelma and Louise-eque night on the town with her neighbor Ruth, Homer is left with the kids, yearning for his own night out. Enter Lionel Hutz, who overheard Homer’s need for a babysitter while pawing through their garbage. He cannily haggles his fee up from the eight dollars for the night plus two popsicles from the freezer that Homer proposes to eight dollars, two popsicles, and the old birdcage he found in the trash. He proudly proclaims "still got it.”

Soon, Hutz has a blaze roaring in the Simpsons’ fireplace. Lisa asks“why are you burning all your personal papers?”
“As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!”

Favorite Lionel Hutz line:

"Now don’t worry Mrs. Simpson, I –Uh oh. We’ve drawn Judge Snyder.
Is that bad?
Well, he’s had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
You did?
Well, replace the word “kinda” with the word repeatedly and replace the word 'dog' with 'son'.”