Game of Thrones 4x10: The Children

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Moat Cailin -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

The Wall
Jon Snow is walking north of the wall and is soon captured and brought to Mance. So, this was apparently his plan? He's lucky that Mance's army were more interested in negotiating rather than slaughtering any Night's Watch soldier on sight.

So Mance says that it's already cold in the north and now winter is coming. Beyond that, there are ice zombies roaming about. All he wants is the ability to go south for the winter like every other self-respecting northerner. Hey, I live in Minnesota, I get it!

Game of Thrones 4x09: The Watchers on the Wall

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Moat Cailin -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

The Wall
We start the episode with Sam and Jon keeping watch on the Wall. Sam wants to know want sex is like. He figures that he's about to die a virgin so he'd at least like some insight. Instead of giving Sam a warm pie and telling him to find out for himself, Jon Snow says all it was like two people becoming one but that all it ever really got him was an arrow six inches from his heart.

Meanwhile, the Night's Watch are actually the knights watched. A wildling warg is spying on them with an owl. Ygritte is sharpening her arrows and awaiting the chance to use them. She also really isn't interested in hearing Tormund Giantsbane's tales of bear fucking.

Styr interrupts the proceedings to taunt Ygritte about her “crow lover” Jon Snow. Ygritte brags about how many “crows” she has already killed. She also announces that if Jon Snow is alive she wants to kill him herself. None of that has to do with Ygritte's ginger minge which was also discussed.

Game of Thrones 4x08: The Mountain and the Viper

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Moat Cailin -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

Mole's Town
A the female inn keeper is playing Name That Tune via burps. One patron first guests “The Rains of Castamere” but is wrong. The next guy correctly guesses “The Bear and the Maiden Fair” which, duh, those are the only two songs in Westeros.

Anyway, Gilly is at this inn and I think we are all shocked to hear she's not having the time of her life. She hears an “owl” hooting and gets freaked. The innkeeper doesn't know what the big deal is but soon we see Ygritte and her wildings showing up and slaughtering people. Ygritte finds Gilly and her child hiding but her heart grows three times larger and she decides to spare them.

Last Week in Pop Culture #31

With the official 2013-2014 TV season drawing to a close last week, and with me (mostly) caught up on the show I comment on regularly, as well as another looming work trip threatening to throw off my regular schedule once again, this will be the last regularly scheduled "Last Week in Pop Culture" post. I reserve the right to drop one in periodically, if there's something of note I'd like to talk about, but I won't have one up (nearly) every Saturday going forward.

However, I am hoping to resurrect my Retro Reviews of The Simpsons sometime soon (once I get back into the groove after my trip and give myself a little break). So look for those again shortly! 

And, of course, I've still got three X-aminations posts a week to do, plus all my stuff at Sound on Sight and Capeless Crusader, and Dr. Bitz has three more Game of Thrones reviews to do, so you won't be lacking for content from us this summer, regardless!  

Around the Web
Just one additional post this week, my weekly Market Maven column from Monday. 

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Not bad. It wasn't the greatest X-Men film, but it was entertaining, well-constructed, well-acted. The Sentinels were handled well, most of the action scenes were top notch, and kudos for wiping out most of The Last Stand. In the middle of the pack, but near the top (I'd still put X2 and First Class above it, for sure).

Saturday Night Live: Andy Samberg & St. Vincent

This wasn't the best episode of the season by any means, but at least the show ended on a relatively strong note. Granted, the regular cast was barely on hand for much of it (I wouldn't be surprised if we've seen the last of some them; so long Noel Wells and Brooks Whelan!), as Andy Samberg returned and brought along a ton of his former cast member friends. While the highs weren't all that high, at least the baseline landed somewhere closer to "amusing" than "indifferent", which has been the case more often than not this season.

Last Week in Pop Culture #30

Around the Web
I have a bunch of new and old X-Men stuff up in honor of Days of Future Past; check it all out here.

Also, this week's Market Maven column, as well as a column looking at April's sales numbers, can be found here and here. 

Once Upon a Time: Kansas

Knowing full well going in that a two-hour finale remained, I was fully expecting the other shoe to drop as soon as things started to go well in the fight against Zelena (not unlike how Pan's seeming defeat two episodes before the mid-winter break presaged the reveal that he switched places with Henry). The only problem was whatever it is that happened was way too unclear to be much of a cliffhanger. Was that Zelena? Her magic, operating on its own? Was her death part of the spell, something that wouldn't be triggered until she was "killed"? Bottom line: you want your cliffhangers to make the audience go "whoa!", not "huh?"

Game of Thrones 4x07: Mockingbird

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

King's Landing
Tyrion is back in his usual cell shooting the breath with Jaime. Tyrion requests that Jaime be his champion for the trial by combat. Jaime breaks the news that learning to sword fight with his left hand has not gone well. Tell me about it. I once tried to masturbate with my left hand and nearly ended up in the hospital!

Anyway, after Tyrion and Jaime have a laugh about ending the Lannister name with both their deaths (cheerful lot, these Lannisters...or anybody in Game of Thrones), Tyrion says he wants to see Bronn. Bronn was good for one trial by combat; surely he'd be up for another, right? Then Tyrion asks Jaime the fateful question of who Cersei's champion will be...

Cut to the Mountain. He came to King's Landing to do two things: Chew bubblegum and cleave random prisoners\sparring partners in half. And bubblegum doesn't exist in Westeros. Eventually the fodder being fed to Ser Gregor stopped even attempting to fight and just begged for mercy. I think you can all guess how well that strategy worked out.

Saturday Night Live: Charlize Theron & The Black Keys

Wow, the most remarkable thing about this episode is how thoroughly mediocre it was. Like, I'm having a hard time remembering much of anything about it, and while that's probably understandable for everyone reading this who watched it weeks ago, I just watched it Saturday night for the first time. And I still can't remember much that jumped out at me, good or bad, though I do remember that most of what I did enjoy, I enjoyed on a more intellectual "I get why this is funny" level than because I was uproariously laughing at it. This wasn't the worst episode of the season by any means, but it almost feels like the nadir of the season nonetheless, just in terms of how the baseline has been so thoroughly established as "nothing terrible, nothing terribly good".

Game of Thrones 4x06: The Laws of Gods and Men

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen

Braavos
We start off with Stannis Baratheon sailing in literally the opposite direction of the White Walkers. Instead he’s entering Braavos to go to the Iron Bank. If you think that going to a bank in the Game of Thrones universe is any more exciting than going to the bank in real life then you’re about to be proven wrong!

Apparently, like all banks, the Iron Bank makes you wait interminably long too. Finally, Stannis and Davos get to meet with the heads of the bank. Stannis is in need of cash for all this world conquering he’s planning to do. So he applying for a loan. But he is denied. Obama’s America, am I right?

Davos isn't going to take no for an answer, though. He notes that Tommen is just a pretender to the throne and, regardless, Tywin is the one really pulling the strings and, due to his age, he isn't long for this world. Stannis is the only would-be-king in prime ruling-the-seven-kingdoms-age. Davos also notes that Stannis pays his debts unlike others who only talk about doing so.

Last Week in Pop Culture #29

Around the Web
My first Market Maven column for Capeless Crusader went up this week, a new weekly column I'll be writing that looks at each week's batch of comic releases. Look for it every Monday, and eventually I'll  have some other columns up on Capeless Crusader as well. And if you like what you read, be sure to like the site's Facebook page as well.

As for Sound on Sight, this week I reviewed the first issue of my boy Cyclops' first solo series, a fun little space pirate-y story starring the time-lost version of the character (not the present day cranky Magneto-esque version). 

And hey, just because it's been awhile since I'm mentioned it, don't forget about Saved by the Bell Reviewed, the podcast co-hosted by me and Dr. Bitz. New episodes come out every week, and this week's is a doozy!

Game of Thrones 4x05: First of His Name

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Dragonstone -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Meereen

King's Landing
We have a new king! It's Tommen and the crowd goes wild at his coronation. I'm not sure if they're cheering out of obligation, because they like Tommen or just the fact that he's not Joffrey. I mean, after Joffrey, I'd cheer for Justin Bieber!

Margaery is making eyes with Tommen and Cersei notices this. Cersei talks about what douche Joffrey was with Margaery but Margaery plays it cool. Cersei then seems to endorse the pairing of Margaery and Tommen. I almost think she's sincere about this but when has Cersei been sincere about anything?

Later, Cersei talks with Tywin about the Margaery/Tommen marriage and the marriage between herself and Loras Tyrell. Again, she seems sincerely onboard with this. Then the bomb is dropped that the famed Lannister gold mines are dry. So the kingdom needs the Tyrell's money in order to pay back the Iron Bank. So, I suppose you could say, the Lannisters used to dig for gold but now they're gold diggers! I'm here all night folks.

Saturday Night Live: Andrew Garfield & Coldplay

This episode marks the beginning of the end of SNL's season, as it's the first of the final three new episodes of the TV year. Andrew Garfield, flush with all the Amazing Spider-Man 2 press, helps usher in the season's endgame with a worthy amount of energy and enthusiasm, though once again, the writing fails to elevate much of the material beyond mediocre. Host verve can do a lot to make an episode enjoyable (if the host is having a good time, it's easier for the audience to have one too), but it takes more than that for a really memorable one.

Game of Thrones 4x04: Oathkeeper

Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Dragonstone -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Meereen

Meereen
Grey Worm is practicing his English with Missandei. I'm pretty sure that's all they're doing (most likely to Grey Worm's dismay). So, good luck to Grey Worm with that. Learning English, that is. That language sucks. But, good luck to Grey Worm on getting with Missandei. I hope it works out for him! Daenerys comes in and tells Grey Worm that it's clobberin' time.

Grey Worm sneaks into Meereen and knows exactly where to go to find a meeting of slaves conveniently discussing whether or not they should rise up against their masters. The slaves are skeptical an uprising will work but are less skeptical after receiving a bunch of swords from Grey Worm. The slaves revolt and the masters are left wondering how their lifelong practice of enslaving, abusing and angering people for their own personal convenience could have possibly backfired.

Daenerys looks over her newly conquered Meereen as the surviving masters are rounded up. Daenerys reminds everybody of the child slaves nailed to mile markers. Jorah advises mercy but Daenerys is all, “Screw mercy. Eye for an eye, bitches!” And with that the masters get nailed (and not in the good way).

Last Week in Pop Culture #28

Around the Web
This week, I review 24 Underground #1, the first issue of a new series intended to bridge the gap between the previous final season of 24 and the new "limited event series" debuting in early May. Unfortunately, it's all very routine.

Later this week, I'll also have a couple Spider-Man posts on Sound on Sight to tie-in with the release of Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Once Upon a Time: Bleeding Through

I'm not sure how the reveal of this backstory gels with the events of Cora's big backstory episode "The Miller's Daughter", from last season, but I'm finding it hard to care.

I'm also not sure how Zelena could have learned all this from the Wizard, either. Like, the broad strokes, sure, but not some of these details.

So who created the tornado that carried Zelena to Oz? Are are supposed to infer that she did it herself, unintentionally, as a baby?

It's kinda gross that Cora, having lost out on the opportunity to marry Prince Leopold, never gave up and later threw her daughter at the now-king Leopold.

I should have realized that Gold would be the brains in Zelena's Oz-inspired spell. He's the only one on the show using one regularly.

Emma's glee at getting better at magic was genuinely amusing, as was Hook calling it bad form to mess with a man's hook.

Game of Thrones 4x03: Breaker of Chains

Opening Credits Map
King’s Landing -> Dragonstone -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Meereen

King's Landing
The episode starts quickly with Sansa being whisked away by Dontos. Tyrion is arrested as Tywin orders every guard to perform a hard-target search for Sansa in every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in King’s Landing. However, the Stark girls have a knack for making quick and stealthy exits from King’s Landing so Sansa makes it to safety.

Safety, in this case, is a ship run by Baelish! Dontos expects gold for helping Sansa escape from King’s Landing. Instead he gets an arrow through the head. I’d say Dontos died doing what he loved but, really, I have no idea what Dontos loved doing.

Last Week in Pop Culture #27

The Simpsons: Days of Future Future

Future-set episodes (which have now occurred often enough to be their own thing) on this show are usually pretty good, because they allow the writers to put the character into new and different situations they can't use when everyone is perpetually stuck at the same age. That said, this was one of the weaker future episodes, mainly because the "it was all in your head" twist undercuts the arcs made by the characters within that dream. Bart still comes out the other end having gotten over Genda, but what about everyone else?

Also, the whole "cloning Homer" gag seemed pointless. It wasn't that funny to begin with, then it ultimately amounted to nothing when the end result was Homer getting uploaded into a computer. They could have skipped the clones and just started there and the episode would have been all the better. The repeated funerals for Homer's clones seemed ridiculous. Why wouldn't you stop having funerals after a while, and why would anyone keep going even if you did? 

Game of Thrones 4x02: The Lion and the Rose

Opening Credits Map
King’s Landing -> Dragonstone -> Dreadfort -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Meereen

Dreadfort
Before we get to the fun part we’ll start at Dreadfort. Roose Bolton’s bastard son Ramsay Snow is playing his version the most dangerous game. Theon, er, Reek is now free but completely brainwashed to serve Ramsay. I was thankful for the lack of torture but seeing a presumably innocent young girl get hunted and killed wasn't much better.

I don't really remember the girl who was with Ramsay. Her name is apparently Myranda and she wants to be the fairest one of all. That’s bad news for any girls better looking than her but is presumably good news for the woman who is just slightly less attractive than Myranda. I imagine being the second best looking woman in town can have its advantages.

Anyway, Roose Bolton shows up and he apparently hasn't spent much time with Ramsay because he’s surprised at and none too pleased about what Ramsay did to Theon. Theon had trade value to Balon Greyjoy but Reek does not. Roose’s mood improves when Reek has information regarding the lives of Bran and Rickon Stark and where they’re most likely headed. So Ramsay is off to the Wall. Let’s hope Jon Snow is wearing a codpiece...or is willing to commit more fully to the oath of the Night's Watch.

Saturday Night Live: Seth Rogen & Ed Sheerhan

A bit of a Jekyll & Hyde episode, with the first half consistently strong while the second half was much more inconsistent. A weak Weekend Update (which has, unfortunately, consistently been the case of late) signaled the transition, and while what followed it wasn't, with one exception, completely terrible, the back end sketches weren't as reliably funny as the pre-Update ones. Seth Rogen was fine, doing his usual "confused straight man" and "loud angry outbursts" routines, and the episode as a whole continued this little post-spring break "good enough" role the show has been on. 

Last Week in Pop Culture #26

Around the Web 
One new review from me at Sound on Sight, for Nightcrawler #1, possibly the best new Chris Claremont comic I've read in years.

Also, and far more importantly, Monday sees the launch of the much-teased Saved by the Bell Reviewed podcast, co-hosted by me and Dr. Bitz, as well as Portland cartoonists Carolyn Main and Ryan Alexander-Tanner (Ryan, the driving force behind this project, is of course the mad genius behind the wonderful Full House Reviewed blog as well). You'll be able to download the first episode on Monday from our Tumblr site, and if you haven't already, be sure to like our Facebook page and follow the show on Twitter @sbtb_reviewed.

(And, as long as I'm asking you to like Facebook pages, if you enjoy my writing for Sound on Sight, then be sure to like their Facebook page as well).

Finally, if you're heading out to the comic shop this weekend or poking around on the newly-acquired-by-Amazon Comixology, check out Shutter #1 from Image Comics. It's about a futuristic female Indiana Jones, and features a backup story written and drawn by Ryan. 

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

A really solid follow-up to the first film (which I think is a bit underrated these days), which made the most of its 70s conspiracy thriller vibe and did an effective job of servicing everyone in its rather large cast (this was probably the best Black Widow film yet, right?). If anything, the titular Winter Soldier was the most marginalized element of the movie - there wasn't much of a reason for him to be the one leading the Hydra/SHIELD strike team other than his connection to Cap, and the real impact of that seems to have been left for a future film.  

Game of Thrones 4x01: Two Swords

Well, for those of you that read The Walking Dead reviews are aware that Teebore had overextended himself and resorted to caffeine pills which ended in disastrous consequences. As a result, I took over reviewing some shows for him. One of those shows will be Game of Thrones. I will be keeping his format for the review for the most part because, well, it's easier than coming up with my own format.

Now, let it be known that Teebore is more perceptive, intelligent and drinks less than me so I have no doubt that my reviews will lack some of the smartiness you're used to. But I'm doing my best and, really, isn't that all that matters? (The answer is no. No, that isn't all that matters.)

Anyway, on with the review!