One Sentence Reviews

Hey! It's been a while since I've done some One Sentence Reviews. So...how about some One Sentence Reviews!

Mass Effect 3 (X-Box 360 Video Game, 2012) - This was a series where the thought of them screwing up the ending never crossed my mind...they screwed up the ending.

Skyrim (X-Box 360 Video Game, 2012) - The problem with these type of games is that the ending can never live up to the copious amount of time I've put into them.

Ready Player One (Novel, Ernest Cline, 2012) - A really fun and engaging book and a must read for all geeks out there.

One Sentence Reviews

Who wants some one sentence reviews! Anybody....anybody? I'll just pretend those crickets I hear means "everybody does!"

One Sentence Reviews

It's time for some one sentence reviews...apocalypse edition!

The Walking Dead Book 1 (Graphic Story): I didn't like the beginning of this comic (too fast paced with low character development) but the story really started to grow on me.

The Walking Dead (TV Series): I would say this is my favorite new show on television but this quality program deserves better praise than that.

Fallout: New Vegas (Video Game): It would be a great game but all the bugs knock it down to just good.

The Road (Movie): If happiness and optimism is your sickness then this movie is your cure.

World War Z (Novel): Going into this book I expected a hokey zombie novel but instead I got what can only be described as great literature.

The Cape (TV Series): OK, so this TV series has nothing to do with the end of humanity but a show this bad has to be a sign of the apocalypse, right?

Top 5 Problems With The Wizard

A funny thing happened a few weeks ago. The Wizard was on TV. It's a movie I watched a few times in my youth and is basically a 90 minute advertisement for Nintendo....so how could I not watch the entire thing? However, after rewatching it, a few parts of the movie bothered me a little bit.

One Sentence Reviews

Ehhh...I got nothing...so here come some one sentence reviews en tu cara!!!

Inception (2010 Movie): A bit watered down, in a way, but overall a great movie.

inFamous (PS3 Video Game): You get to climb around a metropolis with electric powers being a superhero...the only thing that could make this game better is lesbian sex.

BioShock 2 (X-Box Video Game): More of the same from the BioShock series, but that's not a bad thing.

Friday Night Lights (TV Series): I'm only into the first season, but even a non-football fan would love this show....it's got everything.

The Last Airbender (2010 Movie): I just hope the "Airbender" in the title is a code word for: M. Night Shyamalan Movie.

Minnesota Twins (2010 Season): Mark my words, whether in the regular season or the first round of the playoffs, this season will end in disappointment.

Jersey Shore (TV Series): I think it's safe to say that this show is the pinnacle of humanity.

One Sentence Reviews

Well, aside from my St. Valentine's day post, it's been a while. My Vikings blog plus my own laziness has kept me from posting. But I should be more active now...maybe. But I'll start out with some light-weight lifting. In other words, it's time for some one sentence reviews!

One Sentence Reviews

Hey, who wants to read some one sentence reviews? .....Well you know what? I don't care what you think, I'm going to post them anyway!

One Sentence Reviews

I suppose it's time for another round of One Sentence Reviews. I know you're excited...

Fable II (2008 Video Game) - Really fun and addictive action RPG that's a little too easy and has a terrible, terrible ending....but how can I not recommend a game where I can be a lesbian polygamist?








Rise of the Argonauts (2008 Video Game) - It was an entertaining enough game that reimagines Greek mythology, but it felt like it was only 75% complete.





I Love You Man (2009 Movie) - One of those very funny movies where you find yourself utterly unconcerned with any conflict that occurs in the plot.






Boom Blox (2008 Video Game) - This Jenga-esque puzzle game is fun for the whole family...but nearly ended my marriage.









United States of Tara (2008 Showtime Series) - I highly recommend this intriguing (and sometimes hilarious) series about a mother with multiple personalities.






X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009 Movie) - It's entertaining enough (with a lot of Easter eggs for the geeks out there), but make sure you turn your brain off before watching.

Max Lame

Max Payne is a movie based off a video game. It's based off a video game that I have played. It's based off a video game that I liked very much. Max Payne is a movie that I did not like very much...or at all.
No matter the genre, a movie must meet some minimal standard for me to like it. And the most basic standard a movie must have is a coherent plot. Depending on the kind of movie the plot does not have to be rich or deep, it doesn't have to complicated, and it doesn't even have be the strength of the movie for me to enjoy the movie. But what the plot must do is have one scene logically follow another. Character actions should be based on character emotions, character personality, and logical reactions to the events that have occurred in the movie. Max Payne fails to do any of those things.
Max Payne is about a police detective, Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg), who gets involved with a women named Natasha (Olga Kurylenko) who ends up getting murdered. This murder turns out to be linked to the murder of Max Payne's wife and child years earlier. Max Payne continues to peal back the layers of this crime revealing a grander conspiracy.
Of course, I've already done the plot too much justice, since 'investigating a crime' in Max Payne's world has less to do with finding clues and methodically piecing things together and more to do with him going places and doing things because the movie needs him to, not because it would be logical or reasonable. I'm also leaving out the numerous elements of the story completely left to the audience to figure out. Like Mona Sax (Mila Kunis), Natasha's sister, has an occupation that is never disclosed. But she seems to get information easily enough and shows up when the movie needs her to and disappears just as quickly.
Video games are especially hard to translate into movies. At the heart and soul of most video games lies repetition. That's not to say a video game can't have different styles of game play throughout the game, but usually a player is doing a lot of the same thing. Variety in a video game is provided more by the player doing things differently than the video game changing its game play. Also, video games are almost invariably action orientated. Plot usually takes a back seat. In fact, some people have complained about some games having too much plot. Now, I'm over simplifying things, but let's just say many of games have been successful with little story and much repetition. For movies, on the other hand, high repetition and low plot is a recipe for disaster.
So going into this movie I figured that if it failed it would be because it sacrificed the plot to get to the action. However, halfway through this movie I started asking myself, "Where the hell is all the action?" So not only did this movie fail to deliver on the plot, but the action was subpar as well. Slow-mo action sequences may have been mind blowing when The Matrix came out, but these days, it's old hat. That's not to say it can't be used effectively, but if that's the only trick up your sleeve, you aren't going anywhere. And I guess that's the best way to describe this movie. It went nowhere.

Recap:
The Good: Uhhhh...hmmmm....ummmm....Mila Kunis is hot? Although she was entirely too clothed in this movie. (But I'll make up for that fact with the picture to the right which is, unfortunately, NOT from the movie.) Mila Kunis may be the most underrated hotty in Hollywood. And after writing that sentence I feel like my chances of one day writing for Maxim just got slightly better.

The Bad: Wasn't the whole review above just to the bad? Of course, a lack of nudity also hurt this movie. Hell, nudity is about the only thing that could've saved it.
I will say that it was also bad that the ending seemed to make a pro-drug statement. Drugs made Max Payne stronger, faster, and nearly invincible. Trust me, that wasn't part of the game.

The Disappointing: Yet another video game movie flopping. There really hasn't been a great video game movie yet. And every video game movie that comes out and fails leads to more and more people besmirching one of my favorite mediums. You may not believe me but there have been times where art and video games have met. So now I must cross my fingers and hope that the 2010 Bioshock movie can come through for me and video games as a whole.

C'Mon, big daddy. You won't let Bioshock suck, right? RIGHT!?

Drink to best accompany this movie:

Liquid Cocaine
1/2 oz of 151-proof rum
1/2 ounce Rumple Minze
1/2 oz of Goldschlager
1/2 oz Jagermeister

Hey, this movie extolls the virtues of heavily addictive drugs. So liquid cocaine seems like a natural pairing for this movie. Plus, the drink is so strong you might get the added bonus of passing out and missing the majority of the movie!