Saturday, September 2, 2017
Game of Thrones 7x07: The Dragon and the Wolf
Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Dragonstone -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Eastwatch -> Old Town
Well, if your dream was to see nearly all the main characters assemble in one area then your wish has been granted. We get banter between Tyrion and Bronn and the Hound and Brienne. Also, Podrick the Pink Taco Pounder talked with Bronn. Bronn mentioned the Casanova's “magic cock.” There it was. Five or so seasons of setup have finally paid off.
Daenerys and her allies meet with Cersei and her allies. The Hound makes sure the Mountain and everybody watching knows that they will have a showdown. There's more banter back and forth with Cersei thinking the talk of an invading White Walker army being some sort of ploy by Daenerys. That's when the Hound releases the captured zombie and Cersei is suitably scared and shows more emotion than I thought she'd allow herself to.
Euron wants no part of this and declares that he's sailing back to the Iron Islands where the White Walkers can't get him. Cersei agrees to a truce with Daenerys provided that Jon Snow vows to completely withdraw from this war and never aid Daenerys. Jon Snow, of course, says he can't do that because Daenerys is now his queen. Being too honest and letting love get in the way of your politicking? That's two Stark mistakes for the price of one!
So, Cersei is pissed and storms off and Daenerys is screwed. Either she continues to battle Cersei and let the White Walker destroy Westeros or she fights the White Walkers and have Cersei regain all the land she lost. Tyrion gently suggests that Jon Snow learn to lie every once in a while, but Jon Snow counters that lying when politically convenient is how we ended with Trump. So, the only hope is Tyrion talking sense into Cersei...which seems like an ill-advised plan. Although, that's kind of Tyrion's MO at this point.
Tyrion first talks with Jaime, who failed in convincing Cersei to help fight the White Walkers himself. They both admit they're fools. Tyrion says goodbye to Jaime as he possibly walks to his death.
Tyrion doesn't die of course. But Cersei talks about how White Walkers could overrun Westeros and she'd be fine with that as long as her family was safe, as if the only point to life is living. But I digress. They banter back and forth until Cersei tips Tyrion off that she's pregnant.
Tyrion returns to Daenerys and company and Cersei is close behind. Cersei not only agrees to the truce but is willing to provide troops in the fight against the White Walkers. I'd really like to have seen the rest of that Tyrion/Cersei conversation! Anyway, everyone leaves happy.
Later, Jaime is forming a battle plan for the fight against the White Walkers. Cersei interrupts him so as to inform him that she doesn't have any intention of helping in the fight against the White Walkers because of course she doesn't. The whole “Euron fleeing” thing was cover for Euron to go to Essos and get the Golden Company mercenary group. With the new army, they will then take back all the lands Daenerys has taken from Cersei.
Jaime is all, “da fuck you talking about?” But Cersei is insistent. So, Jaime says that obviously the White Walkers are the most important thing to deal with and they promised to help so he is damn well going to help.
Cersei is displeased. She seems to be about to give the order to the Mountain to kill Jaime and I'm thinking this is going to be the end of him. But, she doesn't do it and lets Jaime go riding off to meet up with the light side.
Daenerys and company discuss traveling to Winterfell. Jorah would like Daenerys to fly their since some northerners may try to kill her. However, Daenerys and Jon Snow would prefer to arrive by boat, together, with their hands in the back pocket of each other's jeans. So that's the plan they go with.
Later, Theon talks with Jon Snow about how shitty he is. Theon apologizes and Jon Snow is all, “Eh, it's cool. No worries. I wanted you dead a few episodes ago but I've cooled off.” Theon is happy but still feels bad about abandoning Yara. If that's the case, Jon Snow wants to know why the hell Theon is even still in Dragonstone.
So, Theon catches up with the leftover Yara seamen before they sail off. He says they should all go save Yara. They say Theon is a stupid coward. This leads to a fight where Theon gets his butt kicked but the tide turns when the dude attempts to knee Theon in his no-crotch. Since Theon is apparently immune to such attacks now, he gains the upper hand. Theon's ability to continually get back up after taking a beating endears him to the crew and they prepare to sail off and get Yara back.
Sansa is still asking for advice from Littlefinger. Will Sansa ever learn? (Yes...but we'll get to that.) Sansa is worried about Arya so Littlefinger says that she should think of what Arya's worst intentions could be. Sansa appears determined to eliminate Arya as a threat in whatever way she can.
Thus, Arya is summoned to the hall where Sansa and Wun Wun are sitting, prepared to judge her along with many Winterfell and Vale guards as well as Littlefinger. Sansa speaks of treason and murder and Arya looks like she's screwed. But Sansa is actually accusing Littlfefinger of this!
For, like, the first time in this entire series Littlefinger is caught off guard. I'm not sure why, Sansa had made it pretty clear that she never trusted him. He pleads his case to anyone who will listen but Sansa says that she's thinking of what Littlefinger's worst intentions could be. Wun Wun spills the beans on Littlefinger being behind the assassination attempt on Bran's life. (Technically, second assassination attempt, as the first was clearly committed by Jaime.)
Littlefinger tries to plead some more but Arya soon gets bored. She walks up to him and slits his throat. Thus, we say goodbye to Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish.
Later, Sam arrives in town. He meets with Wun Wun and Wun Wun is all “I've kept this interesting information about Jon Snow from Sansa and Arya but, what the hell, I'll tell you.” Wun Wun tells Sam that Jon Snow is actually Jon Sand, being a bastard of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. However, Sam tells Wun Wun that he just heard that Rhaegar and Lyanna were married. Wun Wun decides to check this out, goes to the past and, sure enough, they were married. Jon Snow is actually Aegon Targaryen. He is the rightful heir to the Iron Throne!
On the Sea
Daenerys and Jon Snow have some sweet, sweet, cousin sex!
Beric and Tormund are bro-ing it up on top of Eastwatch. Then they see the White Walker army marching toward the Wall. They're about to prepare for a siege but then the Night's King comes flying in on his brand-new zombie non-ice dragon. The zombie non-ice dragon uses it's super-fire breath to melt down the wall.
The White Walker army then continue their march south.
OK, I originally thought the zombie non-ice dragon WAS an ice dragon and the blue flame was actually frost. But that's been proven wrong. I even had a long discussion on how it would make sense for it to be frost breath since everything the Night's King does involves cold and ice so making a dragon's breath HOTTER didn't logically fit. Also, I made a case for the zombie non-ice dragon being an ice dragon of Westeros lore since creature designed doesn't have to transfer exactly from book to screen. But, alas, that was all for not. The zombie non-ice dragon breaths super hot flames...which you'd think the Night's King would hate but...whatever...
I just noticed this episode that King's Landing still has a stag as it's symbol on the opening map. Shouldn't it be a lion now?
Now that Greyworm and his army left Casterly Rock, who is in charge there? (Not to mention all the talk of how taking out the Unsullied's navy meant that they had to march on land across all of Westeros and would starve and get attacked and such and we saw none of that nor why it didn't happen.)
Jaime was giving shit to Tyrion for siding with Daenerys but it's not like he was given a choice...right?
I think Daenerys should've only brought one dragon to King's Landing. I was fine with her bringing all three originally but after losing Visereon, she could get away with only bringing Drogon and Cersei would be none the wiser. Bringing only two is suspicious enough to make Cersei suspect Daenerys lost one.
Euron loves to chew scenery, doesn't he?
At first, I thought the zombie was going to "Michigan J. Frog" the Hound.
You just knew Qyburn was going to be so excited at seeing that zombie.
Jon Snow mentioned dragon glass and fire as the White Walkers' weaknesses. I thought Valyrian steel was a weakness too?
So...is Cersei pregnant? I thought we got confirmation that she was when she talked to Tyrion. But now that we know her truce was all a ruse maybe she used a fake pregnancy to trick Tyrion?
I didn't think Arya was going to die, but I was starting to think Sansa would do something to screw Arya over and cause her to flee Winterfell.
Why are we still talking about who the rightful heir to the Iron Throne is? Technically, it's not Jon Snow anyway because the throne was usurped by Robert Baratheon. You can call that illegitimate but couldn't the first Targaryen ruler be considered a usurper? I thought we've gone beyond heirs anyway, so Jon Snow being the rightful heir shouldn't mean anything thematically or plot-wise.
Maybe Jon Snow should check in on his kingdom every once in a while..
I am curious on the timeline on when Sansa and Arya got on the same page.
Sam DID listen to Gilly!
So, we've come to the end of the season. Despite things feeling fast paced (two castles fell, Jon Snow was EVERYWHERE, all our heroes came together) when I think about it, not a whole lot happened. I figured that by the end of this season either Cersei or the Night's King would be taken care of but Cersei is still in charge and planning to take down Daenerys and Jon Snow is still trying to fight the Night's King. The only real difference is Daenerys has a weaker army, except she has dragons, and she's allied with Jon Snow.
What's also interesting is how relatively few main characters died. I thought this would've been a fine time for Jaime to be offed. It would've been sad but narratively satisfying. I guess what we're finding out is that no matter how much Game of Thrones was about surprising deaths, nihilism, and subverting narrative tropes, the longer its story goes the more it can't help but fall into the familiar. Suddenly, killing off a character unceremoniously is really hard to do when they've been around for THIS long. I bet more characters will die next season but those deaths will be grand and meaningful.
Beyond the lack of deaths, all the fan favorites are banding together to fight the big bad. Suddenly, Game of Thrones is feeling formulaic.
In the end, I don't think the stumbling Game of Thrones is experiencing is because they outpaced the books. I think the real problem is they decided to end the show with only two shortened seasons when that wasn't nearly enough time to wrap up this sprawling of a story.
Daenerys: I can't have children.
Jon Snow: Who told you that?
Daenerys: The witch who murdered my husband.
Jon Snow: Has it occurred to you she might not have been a reliable source of information?
Bran Stark: I became the Three-Eyed Raven.
Samwell Tarly: Oh...I do not know that that means.
Season 5 Totals
Boob Count: 3
Full Frontal Count: 1
Butt Count: 5
Coitus Count: 3
Main Character Death Count: 7 (Littlefinger, you were a shark, but your character stagnated and you know what happens when shark stops moving...)