Friday, May 8, 2015
Game of Thrones 5x04: Sons of the Harpy
Opening Credits Map
King's Landing -> Winterfell -> The Wall -> Braavos -> Meereen -> Dorne
War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Well, actually, it's good for building up excitement on Game of Thrones. Pieces are being moved into place and tensions are rising. It's tough to believe this powder keg won't blow soon.
On The Road
Jorah Mormont steals a fishing boat whilst stealing a dwarf. While on the way to Meereen, said dwarf awakens. Tyrion is gagged so he takes a play from Lloyd Christmas and makes the most annoying sound in the world. Jorah can't handle it and ungags Tyrion.
Tyrion gets out of Jorah that he's being taken to Daenerys and Tyrion finds the humor in it. (This also answers for the audience to which queen Tyrion is being taken.) Tyrion's no fool and pretty quickly deduces who Jorah is and why he's being kidnapped. Tyrion gets knocked unconscious for his quick thinking. In this day and age of concussion awareness, Jorah should be cautious of not getting sued!
The buddy cop duo of Bronne and Jaime have hit the high seas. Bronne wants to know why it's just them going to steal away Myrcella. Jaime says he doesn't want to start a war. I wonder if Jaime understands that a war is already brewing. Besides, if Myrcella goes missing, what are the Dornish going to think happened?
Anyway, Bronne wants to why it has to be Jaime. But we all know the answer. It has to be Jaime because she's his…….niece? He also wants to do this as some sort of penance for his father's death? Whatever. All I really know is Jaime said he'd slice Tyrion in two if he saw him and that made me sad.
Bronne and Jaime make it to shore but they certainly don't make it undetected. Some guards ride up asking questions. Bronne and Jaime do their best to lie but the guards aren't buying it. So Bronne kills the guards. Well, Jaime gets one too.
Jaime wants Bronne to bury the guards to hide the evidence. Bronne eventually agrees. If I was Bronne I'd bring Jaime to Doran myself and see if the Prince will beat Jaime's offer.
Meanwhile, Ellaria Sand meets with three women who all specialize in their own weapons and pretty much look like a kickass super hero squad. It's very un-George R.R. Martin-esque so I assume they'll all be dead by the end of next episode. The ship captain that ferried Bronne and Jaime tried to sell the pair out. The women happily took the captain's information but gave the captain a throwing spear to the head for his trouble.
Ellaria wants the women to join her in her quest to start a war between Dorne and King's Landing via killing Myrcella. Nymeria and Tyene agree to join Ellaria and, after some long exposition establishing these women as Oberyn's daughters, so does Obara. I think Jaime's silent extraction of Myrcella plan in order to avoid war isn't going to well.
The crown is poor...still. The Iron Bank knows this and is calling in 10% of the debt. Mace Tyrell offers to front the money but Cersei (for reasons I'm not 100% sure on) rebuffs this idea. Instead, she wants Mace to go negotiate with the bank. Cersei sends Ser Meryn Trant to go with Mace to Braavos where I'm sure a little girl will be eager to greet him.
Cersei meets with the High Sparrow who I believe is now the High Septon? Regardless, she wants to revive the Faith Militant (a religious army) and have the High Sparrow lead them. The High Sparrow seems to be a decent guy and having him help keep the peace in King's Landing doesn't seem half bad. After hearing Cersei's sales pitch, the High Sparrow say power wasn't a goal of his and Cersei saying that that's exactly why he's the man for job…well…they even had me convinced this was a good idea.
Of course, the Faith Militant turned out to be more on the militant side than the faith side. They bust up a Littlefinger brothel and I guess that's not all terrible, but it's pretty violent and I'm already having my doubts about the Faith Militant. Then they arrest Ser Loras Tyrell because he's gay and that's gross and I officially realize I've been duped. I now hate the High Sparrow and I hate the Faith Militant and I hate Cersei even more than before.
You know who else is pissed? Margaery. She wants Tommen to fix this, yesterday. And I'm pretty sure no sexy time will happen until it's resolved. To Tommen, there is no greater motivation.
Tommen first appeals to his mother but Cersei says she has no influence on the Faith Militant. Tommen then goes to the High Sparrow but he is not seeing visitors. The King's Guard offers to slice their way in but, amidst the peasants taunting Tommen for being a product of incest, Tommen declines. That was probably a wise move.
But even if slaughtering religious guards in the street is a wise move it doesn't make Margaery happy. She decides to go off to see her grandmother leaving Tommen to, presumably, get very well acquainted with his royal hand.
Jon Snow is signing petitions for more men. He doesn't know who half these people are but more men is more men, right? Well, except when it comes to petitioning Roose Bolton. Jon Snow understandably wants nothing to do with Roose Bolton. But Samwell convinces Jon Snow it's for the greater good.
Melisandre would like to convince Jon Snow that helping take back Winterfell is for the greater good. However, her methods of convincing are much different that Samwell's. She tries to sex up Jon Snow but he resists her because, again, he's Jon Snow. Also, Jon Snow says he still isn't over Ygritte. Yay. As Melisandre leaves she tells Jon Snow that he knows nothing. Despite them seemingly not existing in this time period of Westeros, Melisandra drops the mic.
Shireen Baratheon thinks her father is ashamed of her. Stannis informs her that he didn't spend as much time and resources as it took to cure her because he was ashamed of her. I can't decide if I like or hate Stannis.
Sansa is paying her respects to the dead. Baelish comes in and gives us some exposition regarding Rhaegar Targaryen. Basically, Rhaegar had married Princess Elia Martell but really wanted Lyanna Stark. Petyr wants to know how many tens of thousands had to die because Rhaegar chose Lyanna. My question is how many tens of thousands still will die because Rhaegar chose Lyanna?
The supposed kidnapping of Lyanna caused a war that ended in Robert Baratheon becoming king, Elia Martell being raped and murdered by the Mountain and, presumably, caused Lyanna's death. Lyanna's death meant Robert Baratheon was a king in need of a queen. That queen ended up being Cersei. Since Robert is an idiot and Cersei is Cersei this led to Cersei having illegitimate children and murdering Robert Baratheon.
Joffrey becoming king but not truly being the rightful successor led to Ned Stark's death and a war with the North as well as a war with Stannis and Renly Baratheon. This led to the North losing and Winterfell being sacked. This now leads to Stannis planning yet another war in the North to take back Winterfell.
Beyond that, the rape and murder of Princess Elia Martell led to Oberyn seeking revenge against the Mountain. This, of course, led to Oberyn's death. Oberyn's death leads to Ellaria Sand now trying to (and most likely succeeding in) starting a war between Dorne and King's landing.
Beyond all that, Robert's Rebellion led to Daenerys and Viserys going into hiding across the narrow sea. This led to the birth of dragons and Daenerys starting many wars across the sea. This will also presumably culminate in a great war between Daenerys, her army and her dragons against whoever happens to be in charge of King's Landing at the time.
That's a lot of past and future destruction simply caused by Rhaegar choosing Lyanna. Of course, Sansa is quick to point out that after Rhaegar "chose" her, he then kidnapped and raped her. Well, that's the story she has been told.
Sorry for that tangent. Anyway, Littlefinger needs to go back to King's Landing but not before giving Sansa a super creepy kiss.
Speaking of Rhaegar, Ser Barristan is regaling Daenerys with tales of Rhaegar's philanthropy and singing. However, Daenerys must leave to hear more speeches about the importance of the fighting pits. Ser Barristan goes off to walk among the people. Only, the people are suddenly being terrorized by the Sons of the Harpy!
Thus, after all this talk of war in this episode, we get our first glimpse at it. The Sons of the Harpy attack Grey Worm and a group of Unsullied (amongst causing other havok). Ser Barristan joins Grey Worm and his Unsullied in battling them and team Daenerys seems to win. However, Barristan and Grey Worm are both gravely injured.
Beyond that, the White Walkers were major Robert and Lyanna shippers. So when Rhaegar stole Lyanna from Robert they began plans to enact revenge on Westeros...OK, I made that part up. I think all the violence originating north of the wall can't be linked to Rhaegar.
Again, I'm not sure how Jaime plans to extract Myrcella without starting a war.
I dunno, the High Sparrow seemed pretty much a peaceful, helpful religious leader. The way he's leading the Faith Militant took me by surprise. Does it just mean that this is who the High Sparrow really is and he thinks that any actions in the name of his gods are justified? Is this a case of power corrupting? Or is the High Sparrow not really in control of the Faith Militant? Perhaps there's a reason Tommen wasn't allowed to see him besides “he's praying”.
The Faith Militant plot line really feels rushed. A lot of stuff seems to have happened off screen.
I'm curious how, if at all, Shireen's greyscale will play into anything.
We still have no clue how Lyanna died.
The kiss between Sansa and Littlefinger was creepy but it didn't seem to take Sansa by surprise. Is she into Petyr or just accepting his advances as way to help herself?
Frankly, I wouldn't doubt if having Jorah Mormont kidnap Tyrion and bring him to Daenerys in a more expedient fashion wasn't Varys's plan all along. Especially since this would mean Varys doesn't have deal with Tyrion's whining too!
Am I to believe that if the fighting pits were open the Sons of the Harpy wouldn't have revolted?
We got a lot of interesting information/foreshadowing this episode. We first start with Selyse questioning Stannis' admiration for Jon Snow by calling Jon “a bastard son from the tavern slut.” Stannis' response? “Perhaps. But that wasn't Ned Stark's way.”
Next we get Petyr Baelish and Sansa talking about Rhaegar. Petyr says Rhaegar chose Lyanna but Sansa is quick to mention that he kidnapped and raped her. Petyr doesn't deny this but he didn't confirm this story either. The look he gave seemed to suggest there was more to that story.
Finally, we have Ser Barristan talking about what a good person Rhaegar was. Ser Barristan doesn't seem to be one to sugar coat things. What does this all add up to? Probably Jon Snow being the product of Rhaegar and Lyanna's consensual union.
The nudity count escalated quickly again thanks to the brothel scene. I'm not sure I have it all perfectly counted out but, rest assured, none of it was sexy!
Jaime: We're not kidnapping a princess! We're rescuing my niece. Bringing her back to her family.
Bronne: Your niece!?
Jaime: That would've been a shit way to die.
Bronne: From what I've seen, they're all shit ways to die.
Season 5 Totals
Boob Count: 18
Full Frontal Count: 3 (3 Female)
Butt Count: 8 (4 Male, 4 Female)
Coitus Count: 2
Main Character Death Count: 2??? (Mance Rayder, Janos Slynt. Grey Worm and Barristan are up in the air at this point.)
Hodor Count: 0