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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Dr. Bitz Ranks Every Television Series Ever...Sorta

One of the best television shows ever has come to an end this year (three different times depending on how/when you were watching it). The show was Friday Night Lights. It got me to thinking of where it ranks among all other television series I've watched.

So, long story short, I decided to rank every show I've ever watched. So, after going through the process of finding/remembering all television series I've seen and then ranking them, I've finally compiled a list.

However, before I go into my list, there are a few rules:

Rule 1: Just "Dramas". I'm just focusing on shows that are meant to be more of a "drama." No comedies or reality shows.
It's not that I don't enjoy these shows, it's just hard to rank them against the more dramatic shows.

For example, it's tough to compare Seinfeld to Heroes...well...no it isn't. Seinfeld is better. But you get the idea.

That's not to say none of the series I rank don't have comedic moments. Heck, certain shows I've ranked other people would classify as a comedy when I wouldn't (*cough* Sports Night *cough*). I'm just staying away from straight comedies and "unscripted" shows.

Rule 2: Only series that have finished will be ranked. If Lost has taught us anything, it's that you can't judge a show until its final episode has aired.

Rule 3: Only series I've seen enough of will be ranked. I've noticed that there's a lot of series where I've seen some episodes but not the whole thing. In high school I was really bad about not following a show after it's summer break. If I haven't seen enough of a series I won't rank it.

I don't necessarily have to see every episode of a series, just a good majority of it. This means there are plenty of shows that I hear are great but haven't seen myself and , thus, won't be ranked. Shows like The Sopranos, The Wire, Battlestar Galactica, Angel etc.

Rule 4: No strictly kids shows. This is kind of subjective. Some shows geared towards kids may show up on the list, but only if I feel they have some merits that adults could enjoy. If it's a straight kids show I won't rank it. So, the original Transformers cartoon will not show up on list. However, Transformers: Beast Wars could have shown up on this list...if I had seen more than half the series. I was originally going to include kids shows but ranking the likes of Gummy Bears and The Noozles is just too complicated.

Rule 5: I am forgetful. I tried to create a list of every show I've seen...but there's the potential I forgot some.

Rule 6: New shows may show up. This will be an ongoing series of posts and there is a possibility I'll finish watching a TV series while I'm still posting the list. If that happens I'll try to shoehorn it in. We'll see how well it works. But that also means that these series of posts MAY NEVER END!!!!!!!!!!!

Rule 7: It's all personal preference. This is my list so you can all suck it! Seriously, though, a lot of this will be personal preference and, honestly, this list could have changed wildly depending on the day I decided to make it. I just had to make a list and stick with it because otherwise I'd spend the rest of my life doing stuff like swapping a show from 25 to 26 and then back again.

Alrighty...let's get on with it:

61. The Cape: This was a show I was mildly excited to watch...until I saw an episode. What a piece of shit. Not even Keith David could save it.

Not only were the characters one dimensional and the plot holes numerous, but half the time the story never made sense to begin with! The only way to enjoy this show was by laughing at its stupidity. I've never been able to enjoy a show that way.

60. Point Pleasant: You would think a show featuring hot teenagers in a battle between good and evil centering around the daughter of Satan would be remotely interesting and/or exciting. You would be wrong.





59. Heroes: I've ranted about the stupidity of Heroes before. What else is there to say? The show started with some promise but got so bogged down in adding more characters with stupid powers and focusing on the inner emotions of Sylar and nonsensical plots involving nonsensical motivations that the whole show became nonsensical. You see, the show's so terrible it's making my review of it terrible. Let's move on.



58. Betterman: I had a coworker who would speak using English words I knew and used them to form complete sentences. However, when I put all his sentences together I had no idea what was trying to be communicated to me. Betterman is the anime equivalent of that coworker.





57. Final Fantasy Unlimited: I love anime. I love Final Fantasy. I was excited to see a blend of fantasy, science fiction and action. Epic battles for the fate of the world. Magical sword fights and big shoot outs. This series couldn't not be awesome, right? *ahem* Mr. Spacey.

What I got was two annoying kids meandering around a wonderland-esque fantasy world looking for their daddy with every episode ending with the deus ex machina of a mysterious stranger showing up and saving the day using magic dirt bullets to summon a monster. (It's even worse than it sounds.)

10 comments:

  1. awww! That's it?! I want more right now!
    Also, we are HUGE fans of beast wars. HUGE. Even our mom used to watch it with us in the morning before school. Good times

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  2. i 2nd Sarah about Beast Wars

    the best thing about the Cape? The fact that it showed up on your list so therefore had to have been cancelled!

    Heroes is a tough one to rank- i KNOW it sucks, but i quit watching when it sucked, so really most of the eps i actually saw was the good first season

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  3. Well, it sounds like I should watch Beast Wars in its entirety...if I find the time.

    "the best thing about the Cape? The fact that it showed up on your list so therefore had to have been cancelled!"

    Interesting note about the Cape. Despite declining ratings, NBC really tried to show all episodes of the Cape that were produced. However, ratings got so bad that they pulled the show with one episode remaining. I had watched all episodes up until then.

    NBC made the final episode available online. But even me, being the completist I am, lacked the drive, excitement and care to go online and view the last episode.

    So there will always be one episode of the Cape I did not see...unless I buy it on DVD, which is on sale. Will it even sell a single copy? Who would buy it?

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  4. Can I add a third vote for Beast Wars? I loved that show, and except for the primitive (by today's standards) computer animation, it still holds up as a great series. Just don't waste your time with the sequel series, Beast Machines!

    I had the exact same experience with The Cape, by the way -- even though it was absolutely awful, I tried to watch it all the way through -- but when they posted that final episode online, I never bothered, and I have no regrets.

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  5. baroness van bitzenhoferAugust 19, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    PLEASE don't buy The Cape on DVD. I don't need that in the house.

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  6. Okay, I am ridiculously excited for this series of posts.

    Any idea around which number you'll start to cross over from "shows I watched but don't like" to the ones you do like?

    I'm just staying away from straight comedies and "unscripted" shows.

    Saving those for lists of their own, perhaps (well, comedies, at least)?

    I was originally going to include kids shows but ranking the likes of Gummy Bears and The Noozles is just too complicated.

    There's another list! Bam! I just tripled your output.

    What a piece of shit. Not even Keith David could save it.

    Oh, The Cape. I have to be one of the most forgiving TV viewers out there, yet it was clear to me from day one what a piece of crap that show was. It was so bad it even managed to override my completism; you stuck with it much longer than I did.

    The show started with some promise but got so bogged down in adding more characters with stupid powers and focusing on the inner emotions of Sylar and nonsensical plots involving nonsensical motivations that the whole show became nonsensical.

    Man, now you've got me thinking about Heroes, which is angrying up my blood. Remember how depressing a show it was? Was there anyone who took any joy in having super-powers? Even Hiro got angsty about his powers eventually...

    NBC really tried to show all episodes of the Cape that were produced. However, ratings got so bad that they pulled the show with one episode remaining.

    In NBC's defense(?), my understanding is NBC didn't have much to replace it with. Which is also apparently how Heroes managed to last as long as it did...

    Will it even sell a single copy? Who would buy it?

    That's one of those things that boggles my mind. Even the crappiest, lowest rated show on a network (like The Cape) still had at least hundreds of thousands of people watching it. Who were those people? Why were they still watching it? Were they just completists with DVRs like us, or hopeful the show would get better? Was anyone genuinely sad when it was canceled (not counting the people who enjoyed it ironically and were sad when it was canceled)?

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  7. baroness - Challenge accepted!

    Teebore - Actually, I was thinking, once this list is done, I would then work on ranking every video game I've played....that's like quadruple the work though. Maybe I'll do every movie I've seen?

    Anyway, the list of shows that I have found some enjoyment in start fairly early on. But the point I get to shows where I'd seriously recommend other pepople watch? Probably around 19-20.

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  8. baroness van bitzenhoferAugust 20, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    I hate you.

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  9. oh god- you TOTALLY need to do a series of video game posts next

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