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Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Countdown to Christmas #8: Snow

This one's for Joan!

 Now, I'm not a big snow guy. I don't ski or snowboard or ice skate. I can barely handle physical exertion when it's nice outside, let alone when it's wet and below freezing. And even in the Great White North of Minnesota, snow can be a real pain in the butt when it's coming down, snarling up traffic and making it take longer to get anywhere than it usually does (which irritates the hell out of me).


Yes, I know, I live in Minnesota; I'm not really complaining about snow, per se. I like the changing of the seasons (which is one of the reasons I like living in Minnesota) and snow is a part of that. I'm just saying I'm not one of those crazy Minnesotans who likes to play in the snow. Basically, I tolerate it.

But for one month out of the year, I love snow, because I have a hard time picturing a Christmas that isn't white. Seriously, I don't know how you Southrons and Californians do it. Thanks to always living in places with cold, wintery Decembers, and the prominence of white Christmas imagery in the Christmas zeitgeist*, a Christmas with warm weather, green grass or >shudder< palm trees just isn't Christmas to me.


*Which is kinda odd, if you think about, considering the portion of the US that has a white Christmas regularly is probably much smaller than the portion that doesn't have one.

13 comments:

  1. i like snow. I like to see it, i like to watch it when it's falling. I particularly liked it when i was still in school or wroked in an office since it represented the possiblity of the ever elusive and aweomse "snow day". I also like sledding, though now that i'm older i really hate walking back up the hill.

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  2. first, Sarah, get a hold of your typing fingers.

    Second- i enjoy the same things Sarah said, but i'm probably more in line with Austin's feelings

    *sits excitedly in corner waiting for Joan to show up*

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  3. the saddest part of this whole typing fiasco is i read over my comment TWICE to make sure it made sense.
    I'm gonna blame the head cold

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  4. Good evening, friends. My problem isn't with snow in and of itself (for this part anyway) it is with this "No two snowflakes are alike! Just like people! Isn't that amazing!" crap they have fed us since childhood. Whenever I hear this "fact" I am filled with a rage that makes my throat burn. What an incomprehensibly stupid thing for anyone to say! You should not be allowed to be a scientist of any sort if you think this "unique snowflake" crap is true.
    Think of Siberia alone! And the Ice Ages! Think about it! Are you asking me to truly believe that NEVER in the history of snowflakes have two have been the same!? I am so mad I could spit. They don't have DNA - it's frozen water! It's inconceivable and insulting.

    I was angry with snow the other day as it snowed for hours the other day and it left a wonderful, white padding on everything. So clean. So quiet.

    Until my dog vomited all over it. Oh, yes and not any old Dog Vomit. No, no - it was Bloody Dog Vomit*. Yeah. It was great. It looked liked something had died a horrible death in our backyard at around 1 am. I don't have a stomach for Bloody Dog Vomit, I have found. And you have to clean it up with bare hands and paper towels even though it is freezing - as Bloody Dog Vomit is notorious for ruining gloves. And snow blows. Even blood speckled snow.
    It took an hour to clean up and then kick new snow over the horror. Snow is a liar. It's only clean on its own terms. And it isn't unique.

    *Though I tell jokes, it really was a very scary experience for us. We took him to the vet and it turned out to be a one time event as a result of a bad reaction to his previous medication. He is doing better now, thank God. 258 bucks and whole whack of new medication later.

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  5. I have fond memories of snow and some horrific ones. Snow and I are at an impasse.

    I think it's very pretty when it's just snowed and everything is all muted and quiet. Also if you get to say home in the warmth and just nap and read all day in it, I'm good.

    When I was in grade school, we took a field trip to this wilderness place (that's the official name) and they taught us how to recognize tracks. They then taught us how to build a protective snow fort and winter survival skills. Hands down. Best. Field trip. Ever.

    Also, I've read a ton of mountain climbing books and just have a fearful (as in the fear of God) appreciation for winter and snow.

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  6. Hannah - holy crap! We did that too and to this day i know how to make a snow fort for survival.

    Joan - why did you clean up the vomit on the snow? Wasn't it outside? And i'm glad to hear your dog is ok. Bloody vomit would have freaked me out

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  7. @Falen: I particularly liked it when i was still in school or wroked in an office since it represented the possiblity of the ever elusive and aweomse "snow day"

    In theory, I like that too, but it just seemed to not happen more often than it did, and instead, I got stuck going to school and work in crappy travel conditions.

    @Anne: first, Sarah, get a hold of your typing fingers.

    Ha! You tell her Anne!

    *sits excitedly in corner waiting for Joan to show up*

    Me too!

    @Joan: Whenever I hear this "fact" I am filled with a rage that makes my throat burn. What an incomprehensibly stupid thing for anyone to say!

    There she is!

    Seriously, I more or less agree with you. That whole platitude seems beyond stupid, and sounds like something a parent made up to placate their fugly kid when the whole "Ugly Duckling" routine failed, and then got repeated to other fugly kids until it became accepted as some kind of scientific fact.

    But I absolutely love the vehemence with which you express your disdain of it.

    Snow is a liar. It's only clean on its own terms.

    Definitely. There's little I hate more than the filthy, dirty, sloppy snow of March.

    I'm glad your dog's okay. That whole situation sounded ugly and scary.

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  8. Joan's rant was just as awesome as i hoped it would be

    i want to know- how many snowflakes did they actually look at before they decided that no two are alike?

    Also, glad to hear your dog's ok

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  9. @Anne - Exactly! What, they looked at 60,000? 60 million? Pfft, I've got 60 billion in my backyard right now. I just can't let it go. Russia! Canada! Ah, it makes me angry!

    @Falen -I had to clean it up because my kids walk out the backdoor to the bus stop so I didn't want a huge pile of gore to greet them. "Mom, I don't want to go to - OH MY GOD!" Hehehe - step around the clotted blood, kiddos!

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  10. I hate snow. It is the bane of my existence. If I ever have to see another snowfall it will be too soon. The existence of snow has almost turned me from an environmentally conscious citizen into a Captain Planet villain bent on escalating global warming in an attempt to eradicate that terrible substance known as snow. Snow is the thing I hate most about Minnesota. It is cold and inconvenient. But I’m stuck here, dealing with the Devil’s cocaine every year…and every year I teeter a little more towards insanity.

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  11. @Dr. Bitz: I’m stuck here, dealing with the Devil’s cocaine every year…

    Honestly, I did this post for two reasons: to give Joan a place for her rant, and in the hopes of prodding you into a delightful anti-snow diatribe.

    'Devil's Cocaine' is a great term! And honestly, after this last weekend, I can't really disagree with you.



    and every year I teeter a little more towards insanity.

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  12. As long as it's going to be @#$%in' cold out, there should be at least some kind of snowfall on a regular basis, and Christmas should be white. Period. The occasional "Storm of the Century" is also fun as long as you're stocking with everything you need, the power isn't out for long, and you don't actually have to get anywhere; as soon as life is back to normal and everything turns into huge piles of gray, half-asphalt slush, however, the sun had better get the hell to work melting that crap.

    I was angry with snow the other day as it snowed for hours ... and it left a wonderful, white padding on everything.

    Joan, of course, knows all about white padding.

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  13. @Blam: As long as it's going to be @#$%in' cold out, there should be at least some kind of snowfall on a regular basis, and Christmas should be white. Period. The occasional "Storm of the Century" is also fun as long as you're stocking with everything you need, the power isn't out for long, and you don't actually have to get anywhere; as soon as life is back to normal and everything turns into huge piles of gray, half-asphalt slush, however, the sun had better get the hell to work melting that crap.

    Agreed on all three points. Our current "Storm of the Century" two weekends ago sucked simply because I had to work at B&N that day, drove myself through the storm to get there, worked for two hours then drove myself back home when we closed early, even though we never should have opened in the first place.

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