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Monday, September 20, 2010

Commercials I Hate

The magic of DVR has all but eliminated most of my commercial watching. (Although product placement now runs rampant.) The one exception is sports which I generally watch live. This means I still watch some commercials. And some (pretty much all) commercials annoy me. Here is sampling of my most hated relatively recent commercials:

(Oh, and I'm aware that, even though I hate these commercials, by posting them and having more people watch them I'm doing just what the ad executives want. But...whatever.)



I hate this commercial for two reasons. First of all, what a crappy bartender! If she talked to me like that I would have said "Well, I may not care about taste, but you apparently don't care about a tip." I may or may not have followed up that statement with three snaps in a Z formation.

Secondly, if I did care about taste Miller Lite would certainly not be the answer. Of course, that's more a universal complaint I have about the beer commercials that dominate the sports landscape touting the great taste of their watered down piss beer.



My problem this commercial is it doesn't make any sense. If he's racing home, why is he jumping and hiding in the van and using the rear view camera when the kids he was racing show up? And if they're "racing home" wouldn't this be a sibling racing him? Why is the mom leaving the other sibling looking dejected on the lawn? The whole thing is just weird. That is unless the commercial has been edited to change the original intent. The plot thickens!

I have a theory. If you notice, you don't see the kid who challenges Parker to a race lips move at the start of the commercial. I would bet dollars to donuts (mmmm...donuts) that originally the kid was a bully threatening to kick Parker in the nuts and steal his lunch money. So Parker isn't racing, he's running for his life and uses the van to safely elude the bullies.

I suppose some focus group decided the original scene was a bit too morbid or something.



My problem with this commercial is simple. If I ask for a cocktail and you make me a drink that weak I will be punching you in the face. Period.



First of all, the State Farm spokesperson just screams douche. But maybe that's just me.

My real problem with the commercial is the friends of the sandwich guy (who we'll call Doug). Really? You're going to make fun of Doug for being poor? What's wrong? Does Doug not have any terminal illnesses to tease him about? Were you sick of ribbing Doug about the day his parents died in a house fire? What a bunch of asses.

And another thing, State Farm douche, don't act like switching insurance companies is going to magically fix Doug's (or anyone's) money problems. Because it won't. And even if it did Doug would still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat remembering that fateful day mixing matches with bug spray cost his parents their life. Money can't clean the stain on your soul, State Farm!

10 comments:

  1. So Parker isn't racing, he's running for his life and uses the van to safely elude the bullies.

    I have the same theory about the commercial! The first time I saw it I thought it was strangely edited and got a creepy vibe from it. On subsequent viewings it's clear that the company made a commercial featuring bullying and then realized afterward that maybe moms shouldn't associate their company's cars with children being terrorized.

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  2. #1: Yes, that bartender is a bi-otch. Also, who asks questions like that? There's nothing I HATE in commercials more than unnatural dialogue no one would ever say simply to force the details of the product into the conversation.

    Agreed about all the stupid piss beer commercials touting their "great" taste.

    #2: Okay, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't get this one. It makes not a lick of sense.

    @Kate maybe moms shouldn't associate their company's cars with children being terrorized.

    Ha! Yeah, I think your and Dr. Bitz's theorized revisions have to be the case. The commercial just makes more sense that way.

    #3 And even if it did Doug would still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat remembering that fateful day mixing matches with bug spray cost his parents their life.

    Hahaha! That commercial should end with a closeup on a single tear rolling down Doug's cheek. He's the only person in it who's not a douche.

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  3. yeah that minivan commercial is effed up.

    Also i can't stand the statefarm guy. But do restaurants actually let people bring in outside food to eat? Not in my experience.

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  4. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't understand that van commercial!

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  5. i've always believed they screwed something up with the edititing of that van commercial. glad to see i'm not alone

    Also, i can never get behind State Farm, because when i was taking driving classes in HS, and we were waiting out front for our parents to pick us up afterwards (b/c, you know, we couldn't DRIVE) a douchebag agent from the State Farm location next door came out and told us to not loiter in front of their entrance. Which i've always thought was the most idiotic thing to do for an insurance company- alienate an ENTIRE class of up and coming drivers- that's a good way to make new business when they're looking for car insurance in the near future

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  6. Is it good or bad that except for the State Farm commercial I haven't seen any of these before? Must not watch enough TV I guess.

    And yes those guys in the State Farm one are huge asses. If they were real friends they would all chip in and buy the poor guy a burger or something.

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  7. Wow, I hadn't realized so many people saw and subsequently were confused by the van add. I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

    If my theory is right, then I'm surprised they didn't just use the commercial temporarily while they came up with a new, sensible commercial. Instead the same effed up commercial keeps airing.

    Also, if a State Farm agent is stupid enough to berate soon-to-be drivers then I guess people making fun of someone being poor isn't so outlandish.

    @Phantomas - It means you either don't watch a lot of TV or just watch a lot of DVRed TV...which is always the way to go.

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  8. baroness van bitzenhoferSeptember 20, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    A carry all?? Do men who actually own them call them carry alls?? I know man purse or murse are not widely accepted terms by those who own them, but it's at least a man bag. Am I right or am I missing something?

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  9. @Baroness: I don't own one, but I've never called them carry alls.

    Man purse, murse, man bag...maybe "satchel" if I'm feeling old-fashioned, but not carry all.

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  10. I may or may not have followed up that statement with three snaps in a Z formation.


    HA! Hehehe. I don't have time to finish this now but, I'll be back. Oh, yes... yes, I will.

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