So during my travels I came across this story:
Or, for the illiterate, you can click on the picture to the left. Of course, if you're illiterate, how are you reading this? Actually, you can't. So I can talk all the crap I want about your illiterate ass. Stupid illiterate, not being able to comprehend the meaning of letters being placed next to each other. How worthless are you?
Anyway, after reading this story I was amazed at the stupidity of everyone involved. Here are five reasons this story is stupid.
Why the hell would this guy do this in the first place?
So you're a construction worker working on a site for the Yankees, who you hate. Instead of being a rational person and just doing your job because, 'Hey, even if you're not a Yankees fan, it's just sports right?' you decide you have to do something against this team. So you waste like $100-$200 bucks on a jersey simply to bury it because you believe this will put some sort of curse on the Yankees? That sounds logical. A piece of fabric will cause a baseball team to not play well. Pure genius.
Why the hell would this guy tell anybody?
If you really believe this jersey will be a curse, here's a tip: Don't tell the New York Post about it. This is where you can tell this guy's true intentions. He didn't want to curse the Yankees. This guy just wanted his 15 minutes of fame. (Which I, of course, am helping to accomplish.)
Why else would this guy go around blabbing about this curse instead of just enjoying the Yankees struggles gleefully from his home? Telling everybody only alerts the Yankees to the curse and allows them the opportunity to lift it. (Of course the New York Yankees aren't stupid enough to waste money on superstition, right?)
Not only did this guy start telling anybody who'd listen about what he did but when people didn't believe him he provided pictures to prove his story. He was that desperate to let everyone know he put a curse on the Yankees. Tell me this guy isn't in it just for the attention.
Why the hell would the Yankee Organization dig this jersey back up?
You know how much it cost the Yankees to dig up this jersey? Over $50,000...to find a piece of fabric. There are human bodies entombed in the Hoover Dam and nobody seems to care. Yet, there's no way the Yankee Organization could sit idly by knowing a Red Sox jersey was in their stadium. (Aside from the, oh, hundreds of Red Sox jerseys on the Red Sox fans that attend all the Yankee/Red Sox games!)
What's funny is all this hubbub was over the intent and not the action. I mean, what if a Yankee fan put the jersey under the stadium so that 'the Red Sox would be crushed under the weight of the Yankees' or something. If this was a supposed curse against the Red Sox would the Yankees have spent all that money to dig it up? Which brings me to my next point.
Why the hell did they believe this curse worked?
Last I checked, David Ortiz was sucking more than Alanis Morisette right before getting stomach pumped. To me, it looked like the Yankee Stadium was cursing David Ortiz instead of the other way around. In fact, David Ortiz has been doing better since the jersey was found. Not that a piece of clothing really has anything to do with his performance to begin with. It's just a coincidence. And finally...
Why the hell did it take me so long to find a neutral account of this story?
So I heard about this story and decided to do this post. I went online and looked for an article about the story and, for a while, all I could find were opinion pieces. What's worse, a lot of the opinions were what I was going to say! That's simply not fair. I want my Internet articles fair and impartial. I should be the only one allowed to give opinion! Of course, in my case, it's never opinion, it's simply fact.