Two guys talking about comic books, sports, movies, TV shows and the numerous other pastimes that make us Gentlemen of Leisure.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Stupid Inventions: The Bulletproof Backpack

No no, I'm not talking about a children's backpack that features beloved C.O.P.S. character "Bulletproof" Vess. Somebody actually created a children's backpack that is literally bulletproof. Here are the details:

Since 1999 over 328 incidents have occurred, leaving 229 dead and 422 injured in school violence alone. That is an average of about 1 per week since the Columbine Tragedy. In almost 97% of these documented incidents, MJ Safety Solutions backpack could have provided the ballistic protection that could have saved lives.
This backpack can provide life saving defense for anyone: school children, educators, journalists and tourists to name a few. This is a full size, ultra lightweight backpack packed with features to make it practical for everyone.

My Response: Umm...yeah...sounds great. This backpack could protect your kid from 97% of violent school incidents...unless...of course...you know...they get shot from the front! Why don't they make bullet proof shoes while they're at it? You never know when one those dastardly alternate lifestyle freeks at a public school may want to shoot your feet! I personally think we should have all our kids wear suits of armor. It's good protection AND good excercise.

Let's ignore the fuzzy math they use. The bottom line is this. If you fear high school so much that you want your kids equipped with bullet proof apparel then I have two words you: home schooling.
Sending your kids to school with bulletproof backpacks simply teaches them to fear the outside world. They'll grow up to be the type of person who has a panic attack on an airplane because some vaguely Middle Eastern looking guy drops a pen and they think the guy's trying to blow up the plane. Then other like-minded passengers who also grew up fearing the world will freak out at the first person who's freaking out and soon the flight will have to be grounded because of panicstricken passengers. And if I have sit on that stuffy plane one minute longer than I have to because you wanted your kid to have a bullet proof backpack on the .01% chance there's a shooting at their school and on the .000001% chance that if there is a shooting at their the shooter will attempt to shoot your kid from behind and through their backpack...well then there'll be hell to pay!!! They don't even pass out those packages of 3 mini-pretzels on the flights anymore!
Is that the kind of world you want to live in? A world full of airplanes filled with freaked out, xenophobic passengers and one pissed off, hungry Dr. Bitz? No! Stop the madness!

I say you take a lesson from Baldwin P. "Bulletproof" Vess himself:


"Just say no to drugs...and just say no to idiotic consumer products based on xenophobic fear mongering!"

1 comment:

Teebore said...

Man, I wish I had a backpack featuring beloved C.O.P.S character "Bulletproof" Vess...